


love's perfect ache

by thisisthebadplace



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Author Projecting onto Martin Blackwood, Author is trans, Bisexual Sasha James, Bisexual Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Canon Asexual Character, Canon-Typical Idiot Jon, Chatting & Messaging, Comedy, Drinking, F/F, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gender Dysphoria, Getting Together, Holding Hands, I Can't Write Cis People, Idiots in Love, Jon Please Go To Sleep, Just Assume Everyone's Trans Unless Stated Otherwise, Kissing, Living Together, M/M, Martin's Mum is Toxic Because I'm Projecting, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Moving In Together, Mutual Pining, No beta we kayak like Tim, Not Sasha Doesn't Exist, Slow Burn, Sort Of, Tenderness, Texting, There is One Brain Cell in the Archives and it Belongs to Sasha, Trans Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, and they were ROOMMATES, idiots to lovers, oh my god they were roommates, they are: soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26687440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisthebadplace/pseuds/thisisthebadplace
Summary: When Martin finds out Jon has been living in the archives, it doesn't take him long to ask him to move in with him.Also featuring: Trans Martin who doesn't seem to realise that Jon is also trans despite Jon not trying to hide it at all.All chapter titles are from Hozier songs.
Relationships: Georgie Barker/Melanie King, Martin Blackwood & Sasha James & Tim Stoker, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Sasha James/Tim Stoker, past Georgie Barker/Jonathan Sims - Relationship
Comments: 778
Kudos: 725





	1. words hung above but never would form

**Author's Note:**

> hello it has been a LONG time since i last wrote fanfiction so i hope this is ok

Martin smiled as he walked back to the Institute. The appointment had gone well. Better than he’d imagined it would. Everything was falling into place. 

Well, not  _ everything.  _ One thing. One thing was falling into place. But it was a big thing. A good thing. A long awaited thing. So he had a good reason for smiling. Maybe he’d invite the others out for celebratory drinks later. Or maybe not. The thought of coming home drunk while his mother was staying with him seemed wrong somehow. He knew he was being stupid. He wasn’t a teenager anymore. He was a fully grown man. Twenty-nine years old. And still scared of his mother’s judgement. It was sad. It was  _ really  _ sad. He wasn’t sure how he didn’t predict that his mother moving in with him would have such an impact on his life.

Of course, he didn’t mind her living with him.  _ Someone  _ had to look after her. And Martin hadn’t been her first choice, which stung a little, considering he was her son, but he was still happy to help. That was what good sons did, wasn’t it? Be there for their mothers. And he was trying to be a good son. He wanted to have a good relationship with his mum. It’d be nice for them to be able to bond over something, anything before she-

Well, he wasn’t going to think about that. Today was a happy day. A good day. He was  _ smiling,  _ for God’s sake.  _ Smiling.  _ On the way to work. He couldn’t remember the last time that happened. But he was very glad that it was happening. He had a smile on his face and a bag of muffins in his hand and he felt amazing.

He wasn’t greeted with smiles when he arrived at his desk.

“I can’t believe you left us alone with Jon.” Tim’s voice was muffled by the stack of files he’d decided to rest his head on. “Traitor.”

Martin rolled his eyes. “I was only gone for an hour.” He turned to Sasha. “What’s got into him?”

Sasha shrugged. “He can’t work without the whole gang here. Bit pathetic if you ask me.” Tim shot up, a scowl on his face. Sasha laughed. “I’m kidding.”

“Well, I brought muffins to make up for it,” Martin told them, throwing the paper bag in Tim’s direction. “Take your pick.”

Sasha jumped up from her seat and peered into the bag over Tim’s shoulder. “There’s  _ so many. _ Martin, you didn’t need to get so many. We’re not actually mad at you.”

“Yeah, we don’t actually hate you,” Tim took a bite of his chocolate muffin. “You don’t have to make it up to us in food. Though, I’m not going to complain if you do choose to do that.”

Martin sighed. “They’re not all for you.” He waited for Sasha to grab a muffin, then snatched the bag back. “I didn’t know what flavours Jon likes, so I just thought-”

“So you got every flavour?” Tim grinned. “Oh, Martin, you’ve got it bad.”

He felt heat rising to his face. “I didn’t get  _ every  _ flavour. I just thought it would be nice to have some variety!”   
“Sure.” Sasha didn’t look impressed.

Martin continued, “And we could save some for later. And Rosie might want one and-”

“Oh yeah, because you were  _ definitely  _ thinking about Rosie when you bought seven muffins.” Tim looked like he was about to burst out laughing. Which he probably was.

Martin groaned. “Oh, shut up. I’m going to go and be a nice, kind co-worker and take Jon a cup of tea and a selection of muffins.” He stood up, bag of muffins in hand, and made his way over to the kettle. 

“I believe in you!” Tim grinned. “Make the boss fall in love with you with your sexy tea-making skills!”   
“God, I wish my body had the same T-making skills.” He chuckled at his own joke. He’d become a lot more comfortable around Tim and Sasha since he came out to them, and trans jokes were now a regular occurance in the office. He laughed as Sasha nearly choked on her muffin while Tim patted her on the back, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“Warn me before you make a joke,” Sasha wheezed.

Martin grinned, not looking up from his expert tea-making. “Tim doesn’t have to warn you when  _ he  _ makes a joke.”

“Tim isn’t funny,” Sasha shot back immediately.

“Tim is still in the room,” a slightly offended Tim chimed in.

Martin laughed, picking up the cup of tea. “Bye, Tim. Enjoy not being funny.” He walked away quickly before Tim could object and knocked twice on the door to Jon’s office. He heard a grumble from the other side of the door and took it as an invitation to enter. “Jon?”

“Hm?” Jon didn’t look up from his work.

Martin sighed. “Jon, I made you a cup of tea.” He set the mug down on Jon’s desk. He paused for a second, just in case Jon wanted to thank him, then continued. “And I bought some muffins while I was out. Thought you might want one.” He held the bag out and watched Jon hesitate slightly before reaching in and pulling out a raspberry and white chocolate muffin.

“Thats… uh,” Jon started, “that’s very thoughtful, Martin.”

That was about as close to a thank you as he was ever going to get, Martin supposed. So he just nodded. He was about to leave when he had a thought. A stupid,  _ stupid  _ thought. “Hey, Jon?” The smaller man looked up from his cup of tea. “You should come and sit with us at lunch. We’ve got a few muffins left and if you’re there, Tim and Sasha might refrain from gobbling them all up.”

To Martin’s surprise, his boss gave him a tight-lipped smile. “I’ll think about it, Martin.”

Lunch came quicker than expected. Martin sat with Tim and Sasha around a table in the break room, anxiously eyeing the door.

“He’s not coming,” Tim said.

Martin shrugged. “He said he’d think about it. That’s basically a ‘yes’ coming from Jon.”   
“That is a good point,” Sasha agreed.

Tim sighed. “I just don’t want you to get your hopes up. He-”

“Who’s getting their hopes up about what?” All three archival assistants’ heads swivelled to face the door, where their boss was standing.

Martin’s eyes lit up. “You came.”

“I did.” Jon took a seat next to him. “I hope that’s okay.”

“It’s more than okay!” Martin blurted out. He ignored the stifled laughs from Tim and Sasha and stood up, clearing his throat. “I actually gathered you all here for a reason.”   
Tim raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t really  _ gather  _ us. Me and Sasha were going to be here anyway.”   
“Shush,” Sasha told him. “Let the man speak.”

Martin waited for everyone to get their last words out. Jon nodded in encouragement, so he continued. “I have news. It’s very exciting. Well, for me, it is. You three probably won’t care. Or maybe you will. I don’t know. I-”

“Spit it out, Martin,” Jon rolled his eyes. “I’d like to know what this news is sometime today.”

“Right. Right. Sorry,” Martin smiled nervously. “I’m getting top surgery. Next month. That’s what my appointment this morning was about. They just had to go through a few things with me, but I’m good to go!” He grinned. “The surgery’s next month.”

Sasha squealed, immediately jumping out of her seat to hug him. “I’m so, so proud of you, Martin. I know how long you’ve been waiting for this.” Tim soon followed suit, throwing his arms around the larger man. He looked up to find Jon standing nearby, a slight smile on his face.

“Congratulations, Martin,” Jon started. “I know a little bit about the NHS’ waiting lists for this sort of thing, so I’m sure this is a huge relief for you.” The smaller man held his hand out. Martin stared at it for a moment before realising Jon was going for a handshake. Ever the professional.

“Uh, thanks Jon.” He shook his boss’ hand. “I’ve been waiting a while, yeah.”

Jon nodded. “Well, when it comes to the surgery, just know that you can have as much time off as you need. Don’t try coming into work before you’re fully healed. I can assure you it won’t be fun.”

“What if Elias-”

Jon shook his head, his eyes meeting Martin’s. “I’ll deal with Elias.” Martin was sure he could see a fraction of a smile in his eyes.

“Oh. Uh. Thank you.”

Jon shrugged. “It’s no trouble.” He tore his gaze away from Martin. “Don’t want to risk you coming in and overworking yourself before you’re ready. Best if you just stay off until you’re fully healed. More efficient. Productive.”

Ah, yes. Efficiency. Jon’s one true love. “Well, thank you. I really mean it.” God, he’d thanked Jon far too many times for one conversation.

Jon, unsurprisingly, declined the offer when they invited him out for drinks. Martin hadn’t really been expecting any different, but he thought  _ maybe  _ there was more of a chance than usual since Jon seemed pretty supportive of the surgery. Apparently not supportive enough to celebrate with them. Martin decided he wasn’t going to dwell on it. If Jon would rather record statements than go drinking with his three  _ lovely  _ archival assistants, that was his problem.

And so the three of them left the building, and Martin pushed all thoughts of his boss to the back of his mind.

“Jon seemed  _ very  _ happy for you,” Tim grinned. “Very supportive. He’s never given me extra time off.”

Martin glared at him. “You’ve never had a major surgery while he’s been our boss.” There were days when Martin deeply regretted telling Tim about his feelings for Jon. This was one of those days. “Plus, if he didn’t offer me the right amount of time off, it might’ve come across as transphobic. He’s probably just trying to be supportive of the LGBTQ+ community.”

“Martin,” Tim laughed. “He  _ is  _ the LGBTQ+ community. Elias Bouchard doesn’t hire straight people.”

Sasha nodded in agreement. “If a straight person set foot in the Magnus Institute, I’m pretty sure it’d explode immediately.”   
Martin raised an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure at least  _ some  _ of the people who come in to give statements are straight.”   
Tim fixed him with a stare. “The Magnus Institute is a gays only event, Martin.”

Martin laughed, rolling his eyes. “And we wouldn’t have it any other way.”

It was nearing one a.m when Martin noticed his notebook was missing. The loud and crowded pub was getting to him, and he was nowhere near drunk enough to tune it out. He apologised to his friends and stepped outside for some fresh air. Still feeling a bit panicky, he took a seat on a nearby bench and reached into his jacket pocket. Sometimes writing helped to ground him. And he might not be the best writer, but poetry wasn’t the  _ worst  _ coping mechanism to have. He’d write a few lines and then go back inside. Except the notebook wasn’t there. He sighed. He’d been so excited about his surgery that he’d left the notebook on his desk. And yes he  _ could  _ use the notes app on his phone to write, but it wasn’t anywhere near as comforting. And he didn’t like the idea of his notebook lying on his desk with Jon likely still roaming the archives. He shuddered at the thought. There were a few poems in particular that Martin would rather burn than let Jon read. He had to go back.

He took his phone out of his pocket and texted the others.

**Martin:** left something at the institute. what are the chances of jon still being there?

**Sasha:** high

**Tim:** VERY high. man looks like he hasn’t slept in a week

**Sasha:** man looks like he hasn’t slept in a year

**Tim:** man looks like he hasn’t slept in 30 years

**Sasha:** man looks like he hasn’t slept ever in his life ever

**Tim:** and there’s like a 0% chance of him starting now

**Sasha:** he’s probably still there. or he’ll be just about to leave and lock up. so you’d better go now if u wanna get ur stuff before it’s all locked

**Tim:** go collect ur belongings and win jonny boy’s heart in the process

**Sasha:** go martin go! 

**Martin:** i’m going!

The walk to the Institute was cold. And dark. And a little bit spooky. Part of him wished he’d asked Tim or Sasha to come with him. But if Jon  _ was  _ still working, he definitely wouldn’t appreciate all three of his assistants barging back in. Especially since Tim and Sasha were considerably more drunk than Martin. He’d limited himself to three drinks, spending the rest of the night taking photos of his friends in their different states of drunkenness. He was looking forward to sending them to their group chat in the morning just to see their reactions. __

The door to the Institute was unlocked. Martin breathed a short sigh of relief before realising he’d have to deal with a very sleep deprived and grumpy Jonathan Sims. He braced himself and entered. It wasn’t like he hadn’t dealt with a sleep deprived and grumpy Jon before. That was basically the man’s whole personality. He’d survive.

The lights were off in the archives. Martin used the torch on his phone, not wanting to disturb Jon, who was probably engrossed in work. He found his way to his desk, only tripping over twice, and retrieved the notebook. He smiled when he saw that it was exactly where he’d left it. No one had read it.

He glanced over to Jon’s office, hoping to sneak a glance at the man before he left. But there was no light coming from the window. Now,  _ that  _ was odd. He crept towards Jon’s office, opening the door a crack.

“Jon?” He hissed. No response. He switched the light on. No sign of Jon. Martin frowned and turned the light off. Maybe Jon had forgotten to lock up before he left for the night. He was definitely sleep deprived enough to make a mistake like that.

**Martin:** institute’s unlocked but no sign of jon???

**Tim:** oooo spooky 

**Sasha:** he’s probably at the loo

**Martin:** yeah probably

He decided not to tell Sasha that it looked like no one had been in the office for hours. Or that, if someone went to the loo, they’d probably leave a light on so they could find their way back. Or that-

_ Crash. _

Martin had to cover his mouth to stop a cry from escaping his lips. Could someone have broken into the Institute? The door hadn’t shown any signs of forced entry but maybe Martin hadn’t been looking hard enough. He’d been so focused on retrieving his notebook. Maybe he hadn’t been paying enough attention.

He took a deep breath. He shouldn’t jump to conclusions. Maybe someone was hurt. He should help them. Get them to a hospital if they need it.

He ran in the direction the noise had come from, round corners and down hallways, until he saw a room with the light on. He threw the door open immediately.

“Are you okay?” The words were out of his mouth before he even saw the person in the room. 

The person wasn’t a murderer, thankfully, but they weren’t hurt either.

“Martin?” The person looked up. In the middle of the room stood Jonathan Sims, dark hair cascading down his shoulders, wearing a pair of purple shorts and an oversized  _ What The Ghost?  _ T-shirt. He was surrounded by boxes, one of which had seemingly fallen over, the contents spilling all over the floor. But the thing that confused Martin the most was the pile of blankets and pillows in the corner of the room.

“Jon?”


	2. cut clean from the dream that night, let my mind reset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they're both a lot more stubborn than they have the right to be, but martin's stubbornness prevails
> 
> alternatively: martin bullies jon into self care for 2079 words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually Wrote Something??? wow i'm a genius 
> 
> i very clearly can't write anything but dialogue and i'm not going to start now
> 
> do not ask me how i'm picking hozier quotes for chapter titles i am literally just shuffling my hozier playlist, looking up the lyrics of the first song that comes up and scrolling through the lyrics until a line jumps out at me

“Jon?” Martin stared blankly at his boss.

The shorter man smiled awkwardly, reaching down to pick a book up off the floor. “I can explain.” He threw the book into one of the boxes.

“Right,” Martin sighed. “How about I help you clean up and then you can explain all of this,” he gestured to the boxes, “to me over a cup of tea?”

Jon nodded his head. “Okay.”

They tidied in silence. The box that had fallen over seemed to contain mainly books, as well as a few old-looking photo albums and notebooks. Martin glanced towards the other man and found it hard not to smile. It was strange to see him like this. Nice, but strange. 

“What?” Jon grumbled when he caught Martin staring.   
Martin grinned. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without your glasses.”

“Yes, well-”

“Or with your hair down.”   
“I-”

“Or in a t-shirt.”

Jon sighed. “Well, I do like to maintain a degree of professionalism during work hours.”

Martin nodded and picked up another book, carefully placing it in the box. “You look nice like this.” He placed one last book inside the box. “Well, I’m off to make that tea I promised you.” He turned and walked out of the room before Jon had a chance to respond.

He boiled the kettle. Tea was fine. Tea was good. Tea was something he knew. Something he could deal with. What he  _ couldn’t  _ deal with was his very attractive boss looking like  _ that.  _ He sighed and took out his phone.

**Sasha:** martin we miss you :(

**Tim:** when are u coming back??? 

**Sasha:** he’s not coming back tim he’s left us :(

**Tim:** he’s too busy making out with the bossman

**Sasha:** that’ll be it

**Martin:** sorry guys i’m not gonna be coming back out tonight

**Martin:** something came up

**Tim:** is that something jonathan sims

**Martin:** i’m really sorry i’ve got to go

**Martin:** i’ll fill you in later

**Sasha:** making out with the bossman?

**Tim:** oh he’s DEFINITLEY making out with the bossman

Martin poured two cups of tea and took them back into the room. When he re-entered, Jon had a hot pink blanket wrapped around him. Martin passed him one of the mugs and Jon smiled.

“I left you a blanket,” Jon gestured to the green blanket lying on the floor, “in case you’re cold.”

Martin nodded and sat down, pulling the blanket around himself. “Thanks.” He handn’t noticed how cold it was. “So…” he took a sip of his tea, ignoring the fact that it was still to hot, “you promised me an explanation?”

Jon sat up straight, crossing his legs. “Right. Yes. An explanation.” He paused. “I feel like I should be recording this. I feel like I’m making a statement,”

“Well, unless this is spooky, that’s probably a sign that you’ve been spending too much time with those statements and not enough time with actual people,” Martin smiled.

Jon scowled. “You’re an actual person. I’m talking to you now, aren’t I?”

“Fair enough,” Martin shrugged. “Now  _ please  _ tell me what’s going on.”

Jon nodded and took a sip of his tea. “I was living with someone. My friend, Georgie.” He paused. “She’s actually my ex. Broke up years ago. We’re on good terms. We’re friends. We’ve lived together since we left uni.”   
“I take it you aren’t living together anymore,” Martin gathered.

“No,” Jon confirmed. “Her girlfriend is moving in with her, so it was time for me to go.”   
Martin frowned. “So you decided to live in the archives?”

“I didn’t  _ decide  _ to.”

“But you are living in here, aren’t you?” Martin asked. “That’s what all this is.”

Jon nodded. “Georgie’s girlfriend, Melanie, is not a big fan of me. I thought it’d be best if I got out of their hair as soon as possible. And I already had this room for sleeping in when I work late, so I thought it’d be a good temporary solution while I found a new flat.”

“Jon,” Martin sighed. “I respect you as a boss but I’m not sure I understand your logic.”

“I didn’t ask you to understand,” Jon snapped.

“Right. Sorry.” Martin cursed himself for getting used to this honest, vulnerable Jon so quickly. He’d almost forgotten how grumpy his boss could be.

“She thinks I’ve already found somewhere to live,” Jon grumbled. “Georgie, I mean. She thinks I’ve already moved in.”

“Sounds like a bit of a mess,” Martin shot him a sympathetic smile.

Jon obviously didn’t pick up on the sympathy. “Yes, I know it’s a mess, Martin,” he groaned. “I’m the one who’s in it.”

Martin carefully placed his cup of tea down on the floor with a sigh. “Jon. I’m trying to understand you. I’m trying to listen to you and understand what you’re saying and how you got into this situation.” He took a deep breath. “So I’d appreciate it if you could stop snapping at me for  _ one second.” _ Jon was silent. Martin stood up and drank the last of his tea. “Get changed and pack an overnight bag then meet me outside. I’m taking you to a hotel.” Martin pretended not to hear Jon’s bewildered protests and made his way out of the Magnus Institute.

**Martin:** someone tell jonathan sims that he’s a big dumb dumb idiot man

**Tim:** i’m on it

**Tim:** but why

**Sasha:** why are u still up i thought u went home

**Martin:** i told u something came up

**Tim:** so the something WAS mr bossman

**Tim:** holy shit i was joking i didn’t know i was actually right

**Martin:** you weren’t

**Tim:** no no no shut up let me have this

**Tim:** i’m a genius

**Tim:** talented brilliant incredible amazing showstopping spectacular never the same totally unique completely never been done before

**Sasha:** tim shut up

**Sasha:** I’M talented brilliant incredible amazing showstopping spectacular never the same totally unique completely never been done before

**Martin:** i don’t know why i bother talking to you two sometimes

**Martin:** i wanted to complain about jon not debate who’s more talented brilliant incredible amazing spectacular never the same totally unique completely never been done before

**Tim:** sorry marto :((

**Sasha:** we’re sorry <3

**Sasha:** complain about jon all u want we love u

**Tim:** what’s wrong? is the bossman not a good kisser?

**Sasha:** tim we still don’t know if he actually was making out with the bossman

**Tim:** of course he was making out with the bossman

**Tim:** what else is there to do in the archives… alone… at night

**Martin:** ok remind me to never leave u alone with someone in the archives at night

**Tim:** :( 

**Martin:** there was no making out with the bossman

**Tim:** not with that attitude there wasn’t

**Sasha:** ok what happened and why are u annoyed with him

**Martin:** i can’t rlly share details bc i don’t think he’d be ok with you two knowing just yet 

**Martin:** but he has made some Bad Choices

**Martin:** and because i was the one to find out about these Bad Choices, i am the one who must help him

**Tim:** ok but do u HAVE TO help him or are u just gay

**Martin:** i

**Martin:** fuck u tim

**Tim:** :)

“Martin, you really don’t have to do this,” Jon was standing next to him. Martin was only slightly disappointed to see that he’d tied his hair up again.

He started walking without answering and, surprisingly, Jon followed. “How long have you been living in the archives, Jon?” He asked once the smaller man had caught up.

Jon shrugged. “About a week.”

“So am I right in assuming you haven’t had a shower in a week?”

“I... “ Jon trailed off in thought. “Yes, you’re right.”

Martin nodded. “Even if you’re okay with sleeping at work, you need to shower at some point. Hence, hotel.”

Jon was silent for a moment. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Yes, I am,” Martin refused to let himself smile. “And you’ll sleep better in an actual bed. And that means you’ll be able to do your work better.”

“I suppose so.”

Martin nodded. “So you’ll do it?”

Jon sighed. “It doesn’t look like I have much choice.”

“If you say no, I’ll walk around London with you until you inevitably pass out from exhaustion,” Martin told him with a straight face. “And then I’ll check you into a hotel while you’re asleep.”

“Fine,” Jon scowled. “Lead the way.”

Jon gripped Martin’s wrist, pulling him away from the front desk. He fixed Martin with a hard stare. “I’m paying.”

“But-” Martin tried to protest.

“I’m paying,” Jon repeated, raising his voice a little. “I’m the one staying here.  _ I’m paying. _ ”

Martin held his hands up in defeat. “Okay. Fine. Do what you want.” He stayed where he was, watching Jon book himself a room. He watched as the receptionist handed him the room key. When Jon turned a corner, Martin followed him. 

They were halfway up the first flight of stairs before Jon noticed him.

“What are you doing?” Jon asked, whipping around to face Martin.

Martin jogged up the stairs to where the other man was standing. “Making sure you actually go to your room.”

Jon sighed and rolled his eyes. “Why wouldn’t I go to the room that I just paid for?”

“I don’t know,” Martin said, “but I don’t trust you enough with your own self care to leave before I see you in your room.”

Jon didn’t meet his eyes. He started climbing the rest of the stairs. “Fine. But it’s your own time you’re wasting.”

“How long were you planning on staying in the Institute?” Martin asked after a few seconds of silence.

“I don’t know, Martin.” Jon continued to stare straight ahead, not looking at Martin.

“Why didn’t you consider a hotel before?”   
Jon sighed. “I don’t know, Martin.” He paused. “The Institute was more convenient for work.”   
“Ah, yes. Convenience. Efficiency. Professionalism.” He chuckled. “You know, Jon, I think if you tried putting your own needs before your work, you’d be a lot happier.”

“I don’t remember asking for your opinion, Martin,” Jon grumbled as they arrived at the door to his room. He unlocked the door and opened it. “I don’t suppose you’re coming in.”   
Martin was taken aback. “Oh. No. Uh… I should be getting home. It’s late. Early, I mean. I should get home. Get some sleep.”

Jon nodded. “Good. I was hoping you’d say that.” He cracked a smile. “After your insistence on following me here, I was worried you wouldn’t leave until you saw me get into bed or something.”   
Martin laughed. “No, I think you can manage that on your own.”

“I think I can,” Jon chuckled. “Now, I think we’ve seen quite enough of each other for one night.”

Martin tried not to be offended. “Promise me you’ll sleep?”

Jon rolled his eyes. “Yes, Martin. I promise.”

“Okay.” Martin smiled. “See you in,” he checked the time on his phone, “six hours.”

Jon nodded. “See you then.” And he closed the door. Martin only stared at the closed door for a few minutes before leaving the hotel.

**Martin:** i think i just bullied jon into self care???

**Martin:** like… successfully???

**Tim:** oh thank god

**Sasha:** someone had to 

**Sasha:** now why don’t you bully yourself into self care and get some sleep

**Martin:** fine i’m on my way home right now

**Tim:** martin what have u been DOING ur not even home yet???

**Martin:** i’ve been handling an emergency

**Martin:** of the non spooky variety

**Sasha:** but of the jon variety?

**Martin:** yes

**Sasha:** ok ok fill us in when you’ve slept

**Martin:** i will i will

**Martin:** probably

**Martin:** if jon’s ok with it

**Tim:** go to sleep marto

**Martin:** you two should get some sleep as well

**Martin:** if i’m tired tomorrow jon will understand

**Martin:** you two don’t have an excuse

It was nearing four a.m when Martin got back to his flat. He quietly let himself in, careful not to wake his mum, and crept into his room. He struggled out of his binder and winced at the rib pain. He’d been wearing it for about thirteen more hours than recommended. He pulled on an oversized hoodie and curled up in bed, smiling as he remembered the closeness of his top surgery date. He closed his eyes, still smiling, and drifted off to sleep, trying his hardest not to dream about Jonathan Sims.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone else get Instant Rib Pain as soon as they take their binder off? PLEASE BIND SAFELY FRIENDS. DO NOT FOLLOW MARTIN'S EXAMPLE (or my example but shhhh)
> 
> jon has absolutely no communication skills but it's okay because neither do i 
> 
> there will be more tim and sasha content soon i promise... and georgie and melanie will be here at some point... and maybe daisy and basira later??? i am not sure yet
> 
> comment what you want to see happen because a bitch (it's me i'm the bitch) needs ideas!!! i only have 4 or 5 chapters planned out so far but i'm planning for the story to go on a lot longer than that 
> 
> stay tuned for every single character continuing to be a disaster!!! we love a good bit of Projection!!!


	3. oh momma don't fuss over me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> martin's ribs still hurt and his mum manages to hurt his feelings as well
> 
> a few warnings: toxic parent-child relationships (hello projection), gender dysphoria (hello again projection) and martin's mum is ill so there's mentions of that
> 
> we'll get back to the lighthearted stuff next time folks i'm sorry this one's basically me venting through martin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha... u ever try to write a fluffy lighthearted fanfic but u accidentally project too hard and it gets sad? yeah me too oops
> 
> also i'm sorry but there is a distinct lack of jon in this chapter :(( i know i'm sad about it to. but it's kinda important context for the next chapter

Martin woke up after a decent night’s sleep, considering the time he got home. His teenage years had taught him how to survive on less than three hours of sleep a night. He’d been spending the last five years trying to unlearn those frankly  _ terrible  _ sleeping habits, but it was okay to slip up sometimes. At least he knew he wouldn’t be the only sleep deprived person at work. From Tim and Sasha’s texts, it looked like they’d got home around the same time as him. And Jon… well, he  _ hoped _ Jon had got more sleep than him. They weren’t  _ high  _ hopes since Jon was… well, Jon was Jon. But they were hopes.

At least he knew Jon had slept in an actual bed. That was a step in the right direction. Even if it was just a one time thing. Martin knew there was no way he could convince Jon to spend another night in the hotel. So it was back to the archives for him. Martin could still help, though. He  _ would  _ still help. He could help Jon find a new flat. Or at least offer to. He could offer to let Jon use his shower. Or he could-

No, Jon would never agree to that. And even if he did, Martin still had his mum to worry about. She would never agree to having another person in the flat. They hardly had enough room for the two of them.

But it  _ was  _ Martin’s flat. He was in charge. He could do what he wanted. Well, he  _ should _ be able to do what he wanted. In theory. But, in practice, it was proving to be a lot more difficult.

He sighed and checked his phone.

**Tim:** sooooo

**Tim:** what’s the tea on mr bossman

**Tim:** or the T

**Tim:** because you’re trans

**Tim:** WAIT you made that joke yesterday!!!

**Tim:** that was a very VERY good joke marto

**Tim:** i was a proud father

**Tim:** keep doing jokes ur good at them

**Tim:** i’ve had so so so much coffee

**Tim:** i am VIBRATING

Martin laughed, deciding to reply to Tim later, after he’d had breakfast. He stood up and immediately regretted it, finding that the rib pain from his binder was very much still there. He glared at the binder, still hanging on his chair. It, offensively, didn’t apologise. Putting his binder on was usually the first thing he did in the morning, but today it could wait. He’d only have to take it off again to shower. God, he couldn’t wait for top surgery.

**Martin:** cause of death: binder

**Sasha:** *cause of death: wearing your binder for a lot longer than the recommended 8 hours

**Tim:** ^^^^

**Martin:** it’s fiiiiiine i don’t think anyone actually sticks to that

**Martin:** imagine not having rib pain every morning and night. couldn’t be me

**Tim:** maybe you should be the one being bullied into self care

**Sasha:** maybe jon should bully him into self care

**Tim:** now THAT’S a cute date idea

**Tim:** speaking of which

**Tim:** WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT???

**Sasha:** tell us! tell us! tell us!

**Tim:** tell us or you’re biphobic

**Martin:** how???

**Tim:** bc me and sasha are bi and ur not telling us things 

**Sasha:** pretty sure jon is also bi tho

**Sasha:** and martin kinda spent his whole night helping him

**Martin:** wait is he???

**Martin:** sasha if ur joking that’s transphobic

**Sasha:** idk i’m just getting a Vibe

**Martin:** yeah well i’m getting a Vibe from you two pressuring me into telling u things

**Martin:** and let me tell u it is a BAD ONE

**Martin:** bad vibes bad vibes bad vibes

Leaving his friends with that message, he left his bedroom and made his way into the kitchen. He boiled the kettle and toasted four pieces of bread - enough for both him and his mum. Once done, he buttered the toast and placed two pieces on a plate. He put the plate on a tray, along with a cup of tea and started making his way to his mother’s bedroom. He was almost there when he looked down and grimaced. He’d forgotten he wasn’t wearing a binder. He turned back and picked up a cushion from the sofa. He positioned the cushion against his chest and held it in place with one hand. Balancing the tray in his other hand, he retraced his steps back to his mum’s room.

It wasn’t that he cared about his mum seeing him without a binder. She’d seen him like that a million times. She didn’t even know he was trans until he was eighteen, and he’d very carefully practiced the only-bind-for-eight-hours rule until he was twenty-three. No, he didn’t mind his mum seeing him like this. It was more of a personal thing.

Sure, he wouldn’t be seen dead without a binder in front of anyone else. If Sasha or Tim or, God forbid, Jon, saw him without a binder on, he would probably feel ill for the rest of the day. But his mum was different. It still wasn’t ideal to be without a binder in front of anyone, even her. But she knew what his body looked like. She’d raised him.

No, the Cushion Thing, as he’d started calling it, was more of a personal comfort thing. His mum had told him a million times, “Oh, you don’t need the cushion, Martin. I don’t care. I’m not going to judge you.” But that wasn’t the issue. The cushion was like a substitute binder. If he held the cushion against his chest, it seemed flat. And that felt very good. Sometimes, when he couldn’t sleep at night because of dysphoria, he’d hug a pillow against his chest and that would make it better. If he couldn’t see his chest, and if he couldn’t feel it through the cushion, he was alright.

He knocked three times on his mum’s bedroom door. He heard a weak “Come in” and entered.

“Morning,” he smiled, despite his aching ribs. “How are you feeling?”

She didn’t smile back. “Fine. Hungry.” She took a bite of her toast. “I’d like jam next time.”

Martin nodded. “I can pick some up on my way home.”

“You really don’t need that cushion, you know.” Martin had discarded the tray on the bedside table and was now sitting next to the bed, holding the cushion against his chest with both hands.

“I do need it,” he told her. “I don’t do it for you. I do it for me.” She didn’t answer him. She just drank the last of her tea and lowered herself back down on the bed, closing her eyes. Martin kept talking anyway. “I can come back at lunch. I could cook something.”

“No need.” Her voice was muffled by the duvet. “Josh is coming to keep me company.” 

“Oh. Okay.” Josh was Martin’s neighbour. Martin had paid the man to look after his mum while he was at work, but he hadn’t taken into account the fact that Josh and his mother would get on so well. Josh was now visiting every day for free, sitting with Martin’s mother while Martin worked. Martin had to admit he was jealous. He knew it was stupid. But he felt like he was being replaced. He knew it was stupid. But his mother seemed to enjoy Josh’s company a lot more than she enjoyed Martin’s. Which was fine, of course. She was allowed to have friends. And he was used to not being her first choice. He was an only child, which was probably some sort of blessing in disguise. He thought, if he had a sibling, she would’ve ignored him completely. And maybe he would’ve acted out trying to get her attention. Maybe he would’ve been even more of a disappointment to her. As if the gay thing and the trans thing and the anxiety thing weren’t enough. So  _ yes,  _ he was jealous of Josh. Martin had been trying to have a nice conversation with his mother for twenty-nine years, and this man had the  _ audacity  _ to have nice, lovely, friendly conversations with her all day, every day. It wasn’t fair.

“Is there anything else?” His mother sighed. “Why are you still here?” Ouch. That one hurt.

“Actually, there is one more thing,” Martin announced with a sudden bout of confidence. God, what was he doing? And  _ why  _ was he doing it? Was it for Jon? Was it to show his mum that he had friends? Was it so he’d have someone to talk to who wasn’t his mum? “I have a friend. Well, he’s my boss, actually. He needs a place to stay while he looks for a new place to live. I was going to invite him to stay here for a bit but I wanted to check with you first.”

She didn’t look up. “I don’t care, Martin.” She gestured for him to leave. “In fact, do invite him to stay. Maybe he’ll keep you distracted enough so you don’t keep bothering me.”

Martin nodded his head and left the room. He very quickly ate his breakfast and took some painkillers for his aching ribs, then immediately got into the shower. He soon found himself crying. He tried to stop it, but the tears kept falling. He tried his best to choke down his sobs, hoping that his mum wouldn’t hear him through the thin walls. He ended up staying in the shower a lot longer than he originally intended, letting the hot water wash the tears away. 

He texted the group chat as soon as he was dressed.

**Martin:** me @ myself crying in the shower about my mum not liking me: hello lgbtq community

**Tim:** martin… when i said u should keep making jokes… i didn’t mean as a coping mechanism

**Martin:** oops i guess

**Sasha:** martin it’s really not healthy for ur mental health for her to be living with u

**Sasha:** u told us what it was like when u were a teenager

**Sasha:** and she’s basically forcing u back into that mental state

**Tim:** just cut off ur toxic family like the rest of us lgbts do

**Martin:** i can’t cut her off tim she’s ill

**Martin:** i don’t know how much time i have left with her

**Tim:** i know i know i’m sorry

**Tim:** want me to sneak alcohol into work?

**Martin:** please

**Sasha:** timothy stoker we are NOT encouraging unhealthy coping mechanisms

**Sasha:** we will treat martin to a nice lunch instead

**Martin:** i’d like that a lot

**Tim:** what would we do without u sasha

**Sasha:** turn martin into an alcoholic probably

**Sasha:** i intend to get him addicted to spending time with his friends

**Martin:** love u sasha

**Sasha:** love u martin <3

  
**Tim:** love u martin <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: i'm basing martin's trans experience off of my own but it won't be everyone's experience. every trans thing he feels or does is something i do/used to do (e.g. the Cushion Thing). this is just my personal experience with gender dysphoria and being a trans man but it's not the universal experience and i'm sure there are lot of transmasc ppl who feel differently and that's 100% okay!!! (fun fact: i did the Cushion Thing while writing this)
> 
> so far i have given martin my gender identity, my need to Protect, my tendency to be a dumbass, my coping mechanisms and my relationship with my mother. tune in next time to see how i'll project onto him next! and that's what you missed on glee!
> 
> we'll be back to the regularly scheduled comedy + fluff next time friends! sorry if this was a bit of a change in tone


	4. know what it is to grow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the martin protection squad is on the case!
> 
> alternatively: martin u hypocrite pls practice self care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone: tma  
> me, fully aware that it stands for the magnus archives: too... much... archives...???
> 
> a friendly reminder: bind safely!!! martin is wearing his binder for too long but that doesn't mean that u should do the same! take care of yourself!

“Have you seen Jon yet?” Martin asked as he walked into the archives. He was uncharacteristically late, but he was hoping that Jon wouldn’t particularly care

Sasha nodded. “He got here a few minutes after me.”

“Looked positively spritely,” Tim grinned.

Martin let his head fall onto his desk. “Makes one of us.”

Sasha reached over and put her arm around him. “Just say the word and I  _ will  _ fight your mother. No hesitation.”

“Don’t bother,” Martin groaned. “Wouldn’t want to interrupt her when she’s spending the day with her  _ best friend Josh _ .”

Tim gave him a sympathetic smile. “He asked about you, you know? Jon, I mean.”

Martin’s eyes widened and he sat up. “What did he say?”

“Asked where you were,” Tim told him. “But not in an annoyed way. I think he was genuinely wondering where you were. And if you were okay.”

Martin stood up. “I’m going to take him a cup of tea.”

Sasha smiled. “That’s my boy,” she said, patting him on the back as he stood.

Martin made the tea and knocked on the door of Jon’s office. He was waiting for a grumbled “Come in” or “Can it wait, Martin?” but, to his surprise, Jon opened the door himself.

“Martin,” the smaller man grinned. “Come on in.” A confused Martin followed him inside. Jon gestured for him to sit and Martin did so. Jon shut the door and pointed at the cup of tea in Martin’s hands. “Is that for me?”

“What?” Martin looked down. “Oh, yeah. Yes it is.” He sighed. “Sorry. Had a bit of a rough morning.” He passed the mug over to Jon. “How’d you sleep?”

Jon smiled. “Better than I have all week.”

Martin chuckled. “Well, sleeping in an actual bed will do that to you.”

“Yes. Yes, I suppose it will,” Jon returned the chuckle with a laugh of his own. Their eyes met for a second, the both of them still smiling. “Well,” Jon clapped his hands for emphasis, breaking the silence, “I suppose I’d better let you get to work.”

Martin stood up. “I suppose that  _ is  _ what I’m here for, after all.” He turned to leave, opening the door. He was about to head back to his desk when-

“Martin?”

Martin turned around. “Yes?”

Jon was smiling up at him. “Thank you, Martin. For the tea,” he held up the mug, “and for the hotel.”

“Well, you paid for the hotel yourself, Jon,” Martin reminded him. “I can’t exactly take any credit.”

“No, but… Martin? Look at me, Martin,” Martin turned his head and looked at the other man, taking it all in, his deep brown eyes, his soft smile, his hair down for once. “Martin,” Jon continued, “the hotel was your idea. And it was nice. It was nice to sleep in an actual bed. And to finally be able to have a shower. So thank you. I mean it.”

Martin felt heat rising to his cheeks. “Uh… you’re welcome, Jon.” He smiled. “Anytime.”

Jon smiled before turning back to his work. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Martin walked back to his desk, a particularly bewildered expression on his face. He sat down at his desk but didn’t make any move to get started on his work. He just sat there, staring into space for a while.

“What happened in there?” Tim asked him, grinning. “The door was closed.  _ Very  _ secretive.”

Sasha smiled. “Yeah, Martin, what’s going on?”

Martin kept staring into space. “Jon… has his hair down. And it looks really good.” He was silent for a second. “Oh, and also he thanked me.”

Sasha laughed. “That is a  _ low  _ bar, Martin.”

“It isn’t a low bar for Jon,” Tim smiled. “Are you  _ absolutely sure  _ he thanked you?”

Martin nodded his head. “He said it multiple times.”

Sasha gasped. “Jesus Christ.”

“He even threw a ‘I mean it’ into the mix,” Martin told them.

“Oh, wow,” Tim said. “When’s the wedding?”

Martin shot him a death glare and flipped open a file. Maybe some good old research would distract him.

At twelve o’clock, Martin looked up to find Jon standing at his desk. Martin stared up at him and smiled. “Did you need me to do something?”

Jon shook his head. “No. No, I was under the impression we were all going for lunch together. I was wondering if the rest of you were ready.”

“Oh,” Martin’s eyes widened. “Oh. I didn’t know you were coming.”

Jon glanced at Tim, who just smiled, then turned back to face Martin. “Oh. Is that a problem?”

“No, no, no,” Martin grinned. “Not at all.”

“Are you sure?” Jon asked. “Because I can not come if it makes you uncomfortable? If you think it’s unprofessional, I can-”

Martin laughed, shaking his head. “I think we might be past unprofessional at this point.”

“Yes,” Jon smiled. “I think you might be right about that.”

Martin stood up from his chair and the four of them left the building together.

Sasha led them to a little cafe down the road from the Institute. Martin’s ribs were still aching but he tried to ignore it, keeping a smile on his face as Jon spoke. To be  _ completely  _ honest, Martin wasn’t entirely sure what the man was talking about. Emulsifiers maybe? It wasn’t Martin’s fault that Jon’s face was a lot more interesting than whatever he was talking about. 

The four of them sat down and ordered.

“So what’s the occasion?” Jon asked. “Or is this just a casual thing?”

Tim glanced at Martin and Martin nodded his head. “Our good friend Martin,” Tim started, “has not been having the best time lately.”

“We wanted to do something nice for him,” Sasha added, smiling.

“You didn’t have to do anything,” Martin protested. “Just talking to you guys makes me feel better.”

Sasha frowned. “You’re allowed nice things, Martin.”

The waiter brought their drinks and Martin took a sip of his hot chocolate. He sighed and leaned back in his seat, wincing at the shooting pain in his chest. He groaned and rested his head on the table.

“Martin,” Jon’s voice wasn’t harsh like it usually was. It was soft, gentle, caring. “Are you okay?”

Martin sat up and forced a smile. “I’m fine. I’m okay. I’m just  _ great.  _ The pain will go.” He wasn’t quite sure if he was telling the truth, but he guessed he was probably safe. Supportive cisgender people tended to believe whatever a trans person told them about the trans experience. He could get away with lying. Or so he thought.

Jon didn’t look impressed. “Martin, I’m going to ask you a question. Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” Martin said, still smiling. “Yeah, go on. Shoot.”

“I want you to answer with complete honesty,” the softness in Jon’s voice was gone.

Martin nodded. “Yep. Honesty. I promise.”

Jon sighed. “Martin, exactly how long were wearing your binder for yesterday?” Martin mumbled an answer, quiet enough so that none of his friends could hear. “Louder, Martin. Please.”

“Twenty-one hours,” Martin confessed, smiling awkwardly. He  _ really  _ hoped that the smile on his face would distract from what he just said.

His smile, it seemed, did  _ not  _ distract from his confession. Noise erupted from all three of his coworkers, concerned expressions on all of their faces.

“Martin, you can’t do that!” Sasha exclaimed, her head in her hands.

Tim stared at him. “I was right. You need to be bullied into self care.”

“It’s really not that bad,” Martin protested. “The pain’ll be gone tomorrow.” Probably.

Jon shook his head. “This really isn’t safe, Martin.” Martin rolled his eyes. He wasn’t going to take advice from a cis man, no matter how pretty he was. Jon continued, “I mean it, Martin. You need to look after yourself.”

Martin scowled. “Oh, we both know you can’t talk about self care, Jon.”

“Yes, I know I’m a hypocrite,” Jon said. “But so are you. Just…  _ please  _ try to be safe. You can’t use the fact that you’re getting surgery soon as an excuse to stop binding safely.” 

Martin sighed. “Fine. Wouldn’t want to make my work less  _ efficient  _ by being in pain all day.”

Jon looked confused. “That’s not what I-”

“I know what you meant,” Martin stood up. “I’m going to take a break from my binder in the bathroom. Self care,” he smiled through gritted teeth, adding sarcastic jazz hands for emphasis. “Text me when the food’s here.” He stood up and quickly walked to the toilets, not looking back.

**Tim:** hey marto u ok???

**Martin:** i am NOT going to do what a cis man tells me to do

**Tim:** well u kinda have to… y’know… bc he’s our boss

**Martin:** you know what i mean

**Martin:** he’s not allowed to give me advice he doesn’t know what it’s like

**Sasha:** maybe not

**Sasha:** but he’s just trying to help

**Tim:** yeah!!! he’s just lookin out for u

**Tim:** it shows he cares about u!!!

**Martin:** no that can’t be it

**Tim:** speaking of mr bossman

**Tim:** since we’re all chummy now

**Martin:** i wouldn’t say that

**Tim:** shush i didn’t ask ur opinion

**Tim:** since we’re all best friends forever and he loves us all

**Sasha:** hm debatable

**Tim:** since we are on SPEAKING TERMS

**Martin:** that’s the one

**Tim:** can we make a group chat with him

**Martin:** why???

**Tim:** i wanna see if he knows what a meme is

**Martin:** fair enough

**Martin:** do it

  
  


**Tim** _ created a new group chat. _

**Tim** _ added  _ **Martin** _. _

**Tim** _ added  _ **Sasha.**

**Tim** _ added  _ **Jon.**

**Tim** _ named the group chat:  _ **does jonathan sims know what a meme is**

**Tim:** well? we’re waiting for an answer

**Jon:** Yes, Tim. I know what a meme is.

**Jon:** However old you think I am, I can guarantee that you’re wrong.

**Tim:** ohohoho

**Tim:** the plot thickens

**Tim** _ renamed the group chat:  _ **how old is jonathan sims**

**Jon:** No.

**Tim:** :(

**Jon:** Martin, come back. I have something to show you.

**Sasha:** martin u really do not wanna miss this

**Tim:** marto pls come back this is the best experience of my life ever

Martin sighed. He was planning on returning soon anyway. He pulled his binder back on and left the toilets. When he got back to the table, Jon was smiling, his phone held out in front of him so the others could see. Sasha and Tim both had equally wide smiles on their faces.

“Martin!” Sasha beckoned him over to the table. “Look!”

“He’s called the Admiral,” he heard Jon say to Tim, who must’ve asked about the cat’s name.

Martin looked at the screen of Jon’s phone. He seemed to be on a video call with someone. But instead of a person’s face on the screen, there was a cat. A beautiful, gorgeous, incredibly fluffy cat. The cat was meowing and pawing the phone’s screen, obviously confused about the device. It was  _ adorable. _

“Jon,” Martin sat back down, this time with a genuine smile on his face. He stared at the screen. “Whose cat is this?”

“He’s mine,” came a voice from the phone, just as Jon opened his mouth to speak. The cat disappeared from the screen for a moment as the owner of the phone revealed herself as a dark-skinned woman. “Don’t listen to Jon,” she smiled. “He’ll try to tell you the Admiral is his.”

“Georgie, we have shared custody of him!” Jon protested.

“But who does he live with?” the woman, Georgie, raised an eyebrow.

Jon frowned. “Show us the Admiral again.”

Georgie laughed and soon enough the beautiful, beautiful cat was back on screen. Martin smiled. “I’m in love with him. He’s the best cat ever.”

“I miss him,” Jon sighed. 

Off-screen, Georgie laughed. “You’re still allowed to see him, Jon. You’re welcome to come over any time.” Jon was silent. Georgie sighed. “Don’t tell me you were serious about being scared of Melanie.”

Tim glanced at Jon. “Who’s Melanie?”

Georgie laughed. “Jon, do you really want me to tell your assistants that you’re scared of my angry lesbian girlfriend?”

Tim gasped. “Is… is Jon homophobic in the literal sense? Is our boss  _ literally  _ afraid of gay people?”

“I’m not afraid of gay people!” Jon crossed his arms. “That would make my life  _ very  _ difficult.”

Sasha burst out laughing. “Martin walks into work and Jon fully runs away screaming.”

Tim laughed. “Jon, if you’re scared of gay people-”

“I’m not scared of gay people.”

“If you’re scared of gay people, are you half scared of me and Sash because we’re bi?”

Jon sighed. “Tim?”

“Yeah, boss?”

“Your the Admiral privileges have been revoked.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> martin: i'm not gonna take advice from a cis man ://  
> me: *points to the "trans jonathan sims" tag* you dumbass. you complete fool. you fucking idiot. clueless foolish dumb dumb man
> 
> THE ADMIRAL IS HERE!!!
> 
> pls keep leaving comments it makes me feel loved
> 
> also if any artists are reading this... i give u full permission to draw + post any scene from this fic... as long as u say that it's inspired by this fic. artists u are beautiful and talented and i love u and i wish i could draw
> 
> give me suggestions in the comments: we have a name for the group chat with jon, but what's the name of the one without him???


	5. i knew that look dear, eyes always seeking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and they were roommates. oh my god they were roommates
> 
> featuring... rosie the receptionist, elias bouchard's 17 divorces... and quite a few smiley faces :) :) :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's goooooo!!!
> 
> it's a slightly longer one today friends. it was meant to be even longer but i decided to end it here and put the rest in the next chapter

**how old is jonathan sims**

**Tim:** so do we all get a guess at how old u are jon?

**Jon:** No.

**Tim:** can u give us a hint?

**Jon:** No.

**Sasha:** i can

**Tim:** thank u thank u thank u

**Sasha:** i can confirm that jonathan sims is between the age of 10 and 50

**Tim:** sasha i trusted u :(((

**Jon:** I’d appreciate it if you all got back to work.

**Jon:** I’d also appreciate it if Martin could bring me a cup of tea.

**Martin:** i’m one step ahead of you jon

**Martin:** kettle just boiled

**Martin:** be there soon :)

**Jon:** Thank you, Martin :)

**Tim:** asdfggkkkkkkk

**Sasha:** u ok?

**Tim:** jon… used… smiley… face…

**Tim:** he’s… like… 50 years old…

**Sasha:** *between 10 and 50

**Jon:** :)

**Tim:** he did it AGAIN

Martin laughed as he walked into Jon’s office. He set the cup of tea down on the other man’s desk. “Are you doing that to him on purpose?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Martin,” Jon said, feigning ignorance, a small smile playing on his lips. Martin shook his head, still laughing. Jon grinned, taking a sip of his tea. “Okay,  _ maybe  _ I wanted to see his reaction.”

Martin chuckled softly. “Thought so.” He paused a while, letting Jon drink his tea. “You seem happier today.”

Jon took another sip of his tea. “Well, I slept very well last night.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” He was about to turn to leave when he found himself stepping closer to Jon. He had to at least offer. Even if Jon declined the offer, at least he’d know that Martin was willing to help. It was worth a try. “Jon?”

“Hm?”

He took a deep breath. “I can make room for you in my flat,” he started, “if you want another good night’s sleep.”

Jon stared up at him. “Martin, I appreciate the offer but-”

“Let me finish,” Martin sat down next to him. “I want to get all the facts out so you can make a good decision.”

Jon nodded his head. “Okay.”

“It’s not a big flat,” Martin told him. “But it’s decent. Good for its price. Now, my mum  _ is  _ staying with me at the moment. But I’ve already spoken with her. She’s more than happy for another person to stay with us. She’s really quite ill - doesn’t really leave her room. She’s in and out of hospital a lot. My neighbour looks after her while I’m at work. But, the point is, she’s fine with you being there. And she wouldn’t be in the way of any work you wanted to get done.”

“I don’t want to impose-”

Martin sighed. “I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t okay with you being there, Jon.” He started to stand up. “I only have one bed, other than the one my mum’s in, obviously. But there’s the sofa. And I have a spare mattress I could put on the floor for you. Or for me. You can have the bed. You’re the guest.”

“Martin-”

Martin turned to leave. “Just think about it, okay? Please.”

Jon smiled. “I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you.”

The rest of the day went slowly. Excruciatingly so. Martin kept glancing nervously at the door to Jon’s office, hoping he’d get called in. It didn’t happen. Hours passed by without a single word from Jon. Martin was starting to think he’d never hear back from the man. And he was fine with that. Honestly. It wasn’t like Jon was obligated to stay with him. It was enough that he’d even offered in the first place. That was what mattered. Now, at least, Jon knew that Martin was there for him.

At one point, Martin saw Jon leave his office. At first he thought he’d come to talk about Martin’s offer, but the man didn’t even look at him. He just walked away. Martin didn’t dwell on where he was going. It was clear that Jon didn’t want to speak to him.

That was when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

**_Private Message between_ ** **Jon** **_and_ ** **Martin**

**Jon:** Can you meet me in the room when you’re next free?

**Jon:** Preferably sooner rather than later.

**Jon:** I mean the room I’ve been sleeping in. Just in case that wasn’t clear.

**Martin:** i’ll be there in 5 :)

**Jon:** :)

Five minutes later, Martin excused himself, telling Tim and Sasha he was off to the toilets, and headed to the room. He knocked lightly on the slightly open door and let himself in, shutting the door behind him.

The room was slightly messier than it had been left the previous night, but only because Jon was very clearly sorting through his belongings.

“Martin,” Jon said when he saw him. “I’ve decided to accept your offer.”

Martin smiled. “I’m glad.”

“I just…” Jon glanced around the room. “I really don’t want to spend another night in here.”

“I can imagine.”

Jon frowned for a moment. “I hope this isn’t unprofessional of me.”

“I told you, Jon,” Martin laughed. “I had to drag you to a hotel at two o’clock in the morning. We’re way past unprofessional.”

Jon offered a small smile. “I’m not worried about what you think, Martin. It’s Elias. I’m just wondering if this could be seen as… favouritism in the workplace.Or something like that. I don’t know. Me living with one of my assistants… it doesn’t sound like something Elias would be happy about.”

Martin considered this. “I don’t think Elias would be particularly happy about you living in the archives either.”

“Fair point,” Jon said. “Fine. Okay. Let’s do this.”

They discussed for a few more minutes before Martin returned to his desk. Jon followed him a few minutes later, file in hand.

“Tim,” Jon said, approaching his assistants’ desks, “Sasha. I need the two of you to meet with someone. They gave a statement a few months ago. Might be important.”

Tim raised an eyebrow. “You want both of us to go?”

“Might be a two person job,” Jon told them. “There were quite a lot of… let’s say,  _ layers  _ to their statement. It’ll be good for the both of you to have someone else there. So you can bounce off each other. Remind each other of anything you might have forgotten to ask.”

“With all due respect, Jon,” Sasha said, “we don’t even have a full hour of work left. Wouldn’t it be better to do this another time?”

Jon shook his head. “It shouldn’t take long.” Jon paused. “Oh, and don’t bother coming back. We’ll be done here by the time your interview’s finished.”

“We?” Tim asked.

“Martin and I,” Jon confirmed, handing the file to Sasha. “I’ve asked him to help me with something while the two of you are out.” 

The three of them stared after the short man as he walked away. “Well,” Tim said, standing up, “enjoy your secret Jon mission.”

Martin rolled his eyes. “ _ Secret Jon mission?  _ Really.”   
“Hey, I’m not wrong,” Tim grinned. “You still haven’t told us what you’re helping Jon with.”

“How do you know it’s the same thing as last night?” Martin asked.

Sasha smiled. “Because you’ve both been acting suspicious since this morning.”

“I have  _ not-”  _ Martin didn’t bother finishing his sentence. Tim and Sasha were out of the door before he even got halfway through. He waited a few seconds so that he knew they were definitely gone before announcing their absence to Jon. “They’ve left!”

Jon emerged from his office. “Good. I just need to grab enough of my things for the next few days and then we can go.”

Martin gasped. “Jonathan Sims? Leaving work early? This is unheard of!”

Jon laughed. “Yes, well, we should definitely leave before Elias does.”

“Sneaky,” Martin nodded his head. “I like it.” He followed Jon back to the room and watched as the other man started packing clothes into a smaller box. “How much of your stuff should we take tonight?”

Jon stopped for a moment. “Well, it’s Saturday tomorrow so we can’t really waltz into the Institute for the rest of this without Elias noticing. So I was thinking of packing enough clothes for the next three days. And maybe a few books.” He sighed. “I can’t imagine we can carry more than two boxes between us at one time. Then there’s the issue of public transport. You don’t have a car, do you, Martin?”

Martin shook his head. “No.”

“No, me neither,” Jon sighed. “Stupid question, really. This is London.”

Martin was silent for a moment. “Jon?”

“Yes.”

“I know it’s not exactly ideal to involve anyone else in this, but I’m quite close with Rosie.”

Jon stared blankly. “The receptionist?”

“Yes,”said Martin. “Rosie the receptionist. She has a car. She doesn’t take it home. Leaves it here overnight. She told me she only really uses it when Elias sends her off to do whatever useless stuff he has her doing. Fetching his food, posting his divorce papers-”

“His  _ divorce papers _ ?” Jon asked incredulously. “He had Rosie take his divorce papers to the post office?”

Martin shrugged. “Apparently he had her deliver them to his ex  _ in person  _ once.”

“Once implies there’s been more than one divorce.”

“Yes.”

“And Rosie’s worked here how long?”

“Three years.”

“Jesus Christ.”   
Martin laughed. “And it gets better.”

“Oh?” Jon raised an eyebrow.

“It’s the same man,” Martin grinned. “Elias Bouchard has been married to, and divorced from, the same man  _ multiple times. _ ”

Jon burst out laughing. “No. That can’t be true.”

Martin nodded his head. “And there have been so many divorces, Jon.  _ So many.  _ Rosie’s lost count.”

Jon snorted. “Oh, God, it’s always fun to bully Elias behind his back. I’ll have to show you my bullying Elias materials one day.”

“Bullying Elias materials?” Martin laughed.

Jon nodded his head. “I have a list of things he’s said or done that he  _ definitely  _ deserves bullying for. And the best ones from that list have made their way onto my Elias bingo, which I’ve not yet finished making. But once I finish it, it’s going to be  _ so much fun _ .” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, you were saying? About Rosie’s car?”

“Jon, you can’t just tell me you made an  _ Elias bingo  _ and not show me!” Martin exclaimed, eyes wide.

“You were  _ saying _ ?”

Martin sighed. “Fine. I was saying that we could leave the rest of these boxes in Rosie’s car overnight. Then they’re out of the Institute and Elias can’t stumble across them. And we could get Rosie to meet up with us tomorrow or Sunday and she can unlock her car and we can take the rest of this stuff to my flat.” He smiled. “And we don’t have to tell Rosie what the stuff is or what we’re doing with it. She’s used to transporting mysterious stuff.”

Jon nodded. “Mysterious stuff like divorce papers for Elias Bouchard’s seventeen divorces.”

Martin laughed. “So are you okay with that idea?”

“As long as Rosie is. Can you text her?”

Martin nodded. “I can do that.”

**_Private Message between_ ** **Martin** **_and_ ** **Rosie**

**Martin:** rosieeee

**Rosie:** mahtinnn

**Martin:** u know how you still owe me a favour?

**Rosie:** yes i recall

**Rosie:** what do you want?

**Rosie:** ice cream? Pizza?

**Martin:** can i put a few boxes in your car and leave them in there overnight?

**Martin:** nothing spooky i promise

**Martin:** i’m just helping a friend with something

**Rosie:** not what i was expecting but sure 

**Martin:** :)

**Rosie:** <3

**Martin:** oh and can u meet me by ur car tomorrow and unlock it for me?

**Martin:** i need to transport said boxes

**Rosie:** sure

**Rosie:** does 11 work?

**Martin:** 11 is perfect

**Rosie:** cool cool cool

**Martin:** i love you

**Rosie:** love you too

**Rosie:** speaking of

**Rosie:** how’s it going with jon?

**Martin:** i have no idea what you’re talking about

**Martin:** oh look at that i suddenly have to go

**Martin:** goodbye see u later

**Rosie:** wanna bring the boxes down to my car in 10?

**Martin:** yes pls

“She said yes,” Martin told Jon. “If you’re all packed for tonight, we can start taking the rest of this down to her car in a few minutes.”

Jon nodded. “I’m about done here.” 

“Good.”

The two of them grabbed a box each and made their way outside. They spent the next few minutes carrying all of Jon’s belongings to Rosie’s car. It took several journeys but they eventually got it done.

“Well,” Rosie smiled, locking her car, “it was nice to see you both, but I’d better get back to work before someone notices I’m gone.”

Martin returned her smile. “Thanks again, Rosie. You’ve been a big help.”

“And you won’t tell anyone about this?” Jon asked.

Rosie smiled, starting to walk away. “I was never here.”

“Should we go?” Jon turned to Martin once Rosie was gone.

Martin nodded his head. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

Martin’s flat wasn’t too far from the Institute. Sometimes he wasn’t sure how he felt about living within walking distance of all the spooky statements and all the creepy things in artefact storage. But it meant he didn’t have to use public transport. Which was a plus. Buses and trains had a way of making his anxiety about one thousand times worse. Martin never wanted Jon to see him like that. So the short distance was proving to be quite useful. 

They stopped for a quick visit to a supermarket on the way, Martin suddenly remembering his mother’s request for jam.

“Can we tell Tim and Sasha?” Martin asked, loading variety of different jams into a shopping basket, ashamed to say he didn’t know his mother’s favorite flavour. “They hate Elias as much as we do. They won’t tell.”   
Jon thought for a moment. “Yes. Yes, I suppose that would be okay.” He paused, a small smile on his face. “I’m sure if Tim wanted to tell, we could convince him not to with just one mention of Elias bingo.”

Martin chuckled. “Exactly.”

**ASSistants**

**Martin:** fellas is it gay to invite your very attractive boss to stay at ur flat while he looks for a place to live

**Sasha:** it’s not inherently gay

**Sasha:** but you made it gay by having a big gay crush on him

**Martin:** damn it

**Martin:** but am i being gay or am i being nice

**Martin:** genuine question

**Sasha:** you can be two things

**Sasha:** mostly gay tho

**Martin:** where’s tim?

**Martin:** i thought he’d be all over this

**Tim** _renamed the group chat:_ **oh my god they were roommates**

  
**Martin:** there he is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how are we feeling about the new episode?
> 
> i just wanna say thank u for all your lovely comments they really do make me happy. i love hearing what you all think of the story so far and it just gives me an instant serotonin boost when someone says they like what i've written. so please!!! keep!!! commenting!!!


	6. all of you a verb in perfect view

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jon moves in and martin is a gay dumbass.
> 
> (chapter title is from movement by hozier... bc... movement... jon moving in... god i'm a genius... no i'm not i'm dumb)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls read the end notes!!!
> 
> i'm sorry this is like... mainly chatfic i did not have the energy to write actual interactions. but there's gonna be lots of actual interactions next chapter!

Martin stopped outside his flat. He had to say something. He couldn’t let Jon in without warning him first.

“Aren’t we going in?” Jon asked. He smiled up at Martin, a beautiful smile, beautiful and happy. Martin couldn’t help thinking that he didn’t want Jon to see what it was like inside that flat. He didn’t want Jon to know that he was a disappointment to his mother. He didn’t want Jon to see how much of an effect her words had on him. Jon didn’t deserve to get dragged into all that. Martin should have thought about that before making the offer. And now he had to bring it up, all because he’d been  _ stupid  _ enough not to think about it beforehand.

“I have to tell you something,” Martin stared at the ground, nervously fiddling with the sleeve of his jumper. “Me and my mum… we don’t have the best relationship. I just wanted to warn you.” He was finding it hard to breathe suddenly. “Like I said before, she stays in her room most of the time. But we still have our disagreements. We don’t fight. There’s no shouting. She just sort of… says stuff. Bad stuff. About me. And I just let her.” He finally looked up to find Jon frowning. “It’s the way it’s always been. I don’t want to start any arguments with her. She could be gone soon. I don’t want my last memory of her to be a fight.”

Jon was still frowning. “So you’d rather your last memory was her insulting you and you not standing up to her?”

Martin sighed. “I shouldn’t have dragged you into this. I understand if you don’t want to stay here anymore.”

“Martin,” Jon said. “Look at me.” Martin did as he was told. “You’re not dragging me into anything, okay? I chose to come here. I could’ve said no if I wanted to.”

Martin didn’t smile. “Okay.”

“You’ll tell me if you’re upset, won’t you?” Jon asked, concerned. “You won’t try and hide it from me?” He sighed when Martin didn’t respond. “Listen, Martin. You’re helping me by giving me a place to stay. I should be able to help you too. We can help each other.”

Martin shook his head. “I’m not asking for anything in return, Jon. It was just meant to be a kind gesture.”

“I’m not offering anything in return,” Jon explained. “Not really. I’m just letting you know that if you need to talk, I’m here. Literally. I will be here with you whenever we’re not at work.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

Jon smiled. “Can we go in now?”

Josh was still in the flat when they entered. Josh, the mother-stealing neighbour from Hell. He was in deep conversation with Martin’s mother when Martin and Jon entered her room. When neither of them looked up, Martin knocked on the already open door three times. That seemed to get their attention.

“Martin,” Josh smiled. It wasn’t a happy smile. “You brought a friend.”

Martin nodded. “This is Jon. He’s going to be staying with us for a while.”   
“I see,” Josh frowned. “And how does your mother-”

“Josh,” Martin saw his mum start to sit up. “I already discussed it with Martin. It’s nice to meet you, Jon.”

Jon took a step forward. “It’s nice to meet you, too.”

There was a long silence between the four of them before Martin excused himself and Jon from the room, mumbling something about helping Jon unpack. He led Jon to his own bedroom and opened his wardrobe, pushing his own clothes to one side and making room for Jon to hang his up.

“There’s plenty of room in there,” Martin smiled. “Just because you’re only here temporarily doesn’t mean you have to live out of boxes.”

“If you’re sure,” Jon said, starting to unpack the few clothes he’d brought. It didn’t take long for Jon to finish unpacking since he’d only brought enough of his stuff to last him three days. With Jon’s clothes in the wardrobe, toiletries in the bathroom and books in their own little place on Martin’s bookshelf, the two men soon found themselves standing in front of a mattress, with the task of dragging it into Martin’s bedroom.

“Of course you don’t have to sleep in my room if you don’t want to,” Martin told him. “If you’re not comfortable, that is. We can leave it in here if you’d prefer.”

Jon shook his head, smiling. “All of my things are already in your room, Martin. I might as well be in there too.”

“Oh,” Martin said. “Of course.”   
“And I’ve been in that room in the archives for a week,” Jon made a face, “It was so cold and lonely in there. I think sleeping in the same room as someone would be welcome company.”   
Martin nodded and grabbed one side of the mattress. Jon grabbed the other side and soon they were half carrying, half dragging it through Martin’s bedroom door. They fell into a silence, and Martin found himself panicking. Should he say something? What would Jon want to talk about? Did Jon even want to talk? Would they spend the entirety of Jon’s stay in silence. He should say something. He should say something. He should say something. He should-

“You know,” Martin said as they arrived at the door of his bedroom, “this mattress was supposed to be the one on my bed. That’s what it originally got it for. I uhh… I got the size wrong and it was too small.” He paused for a moment as the two of them tilted the mattress so it would fit through the door. “I was going to get rid of it but it started to prove itself useful.”

Jon raised an eyebrow. “How so?”

“Tim sleeps on it when he’s too drunk to get himself home safely.”

“Ah.”

Conversation continued to be stilted as they found sheets for the mattress. That was when Martin remembered that Jon was his boss. They weren’t friends. They weren’t close. They were a boss and an employee. And the only reason that Jon was even here was because Martin left his notebook at work the previous night. Jon didn’t even like Martin. And, before Martin had dragged him to a hotel at two o’clock in the morning, he’d been convinced that Jon hated him. The man would probably prefer to stay with Tim or Sasha. Probably Sasha. She was “the only competent one” out of the three assistants. Jon’s words, not Martin’s. Though he  _ did  _ have a point.

They’d settled down for a rest, tired from carrying the mattress. They’d taken opposite ends of the bed. Martin sneaked a look up from his phone and glanced at Jon, who was engrossed in a book. Jon didn’t look back at him.

**oh my god they were roommates**

**Martin:** jon’s here but he’s not talking to me

**Martin:** not that he has to do that!!!

**Martin:** obviously he’s under no obligation to do that!!!

**Martin:** but… i… lonely

**Sasha:** aw martin don’t be lonely :(((

**Martin:** oh WOW suddenly i am CURED

**Sasha:** sorry ://

**Martin:** no it’s fine

**Martin:** i just… really like him

**Martin:** like a LOT

**Martin:** and i didn’t think about that before i invited him to stay here

**Martin:** why did i not think that sharing a room with the man i have a big gay crush who is also my BOSS wouldn’t be a problem???

**Martin:** it is dumbass hours

**Martin:** and i am the dumbass

**Tim:** hahaha imagine having a big gay crush on jon

**Tim:** couldn’t be me

**Sasha:** …

**Sasha:** didn’t you…

**Sasha:** tim i’m sure you…

**Martin:** ???

**Tim:** sasha shush

**Sasha:** but…

**Tim:** shhhhhh

**Martin:** do u two have something you’d like to share with the class

**Sasha:** TIM I AM SURE THAT YOU USED TO HAVE A BIG GAY CRUSH ON JON

**Tim:** SASHA MIDDLE NAME JAMES

**Tim:** I CANNOT BELIEVE

**Tim:** YOU CAN KEEP JONATHAN SIMS’ AGE SECRET

**Tim:** BUT YOU COULDN’T KEEP THIS ONE THING TO YOURSELF

**Sasha:** local man thinks his big gay crush is at the same level as bossman’s age

**Tim:** AND IT WASN’T BIG I JUST THOUGHT HE WAS KINDA HOT

**Martin:** tim…

**Martin:** i cannot believe…

**Martin:** i have been letting you make fun of me…

**Martin:** for my crush on jon…

**Martin:** when you once felt the exact same way…

**Tim:** not the EXACT same way

**Tim:** you’ve got it way worse than i did

**Tim:** and unlike you… i came to my senses when he started being a prick

**Tim:** and now i spend myself simping for other people

**Sasha:** and who are these other people?

**Sasha:** i’m legally required to judge you for your bad taste

**Martin:** yeah if you liked jon ur taste must be pretty bad

**Tim:** martin u currently like jon

**Martin:** exactly

**Tim:** i think i’ll keep some secrets to myself thank u very much

**Martin:** well that’s not fair :(

**Sasha:** nooooo

**Sasha:** tim what u tell me everything

**Tim:** not this one sash

**Tim:** maybe another time

**Martin:** hmmmm

**Martin:** interesting

**_Private Message between_ ** **Martin** **_and_ ** **Tim**

**Martin:** so

**Martin:** sasha

**Tim:** oh my god shut up

**Martin:** no i don’t think i will

**Tim:** talk to ur own crush instead of bullying me over mine

**Martin:** how long have u liked her

**Tim:** a month maybe? 

**Tim:** idk i didn’t mark the date on the calendar

**Tim:** “today i fell in love with sasha james”

**Martin:** ooooo love is it?

**Tim:** SHUT UP

**Tim:** but… you know what this means

**Tim:** i’ve done it

**Tim:** i’ve collected the whole set

**Tim:** i have now had a crush on the entire archives staff

  
  


Martin snorted at that, apparently loud enough for Jon to look up from his book. Martin slipped his phone back into his pocket in case Jon asked about the messages.

“Anything I’d find funny?” Jon put down his book.

“Depends,” Martin smiled. “How interested are you in Tim’s love life?”

Jon grimaced. “That is the last thing I want to hear about. I genuinely cannot think of anything I’d like to hear about less than that.”

Martin chuckled. “Do you want me to tell Tim that?”

Jon shook his head. “Oh, God no. He’d just make a point to talk about it around me.” He sighed, shaking his head. “I try to make a point not to get involved in my employee’s love lives.”

Well, shit. “Well, I promise you you’ll never have to get involved in mine!” Why did he say that? Oh, Tim and Sasha were going to  _ love  _ this. Jon didn’t respond. He just picked up his book and went back to reading. “Right,” Martin said, standing up. “I’m going to see what my mum wants for dinner. You okay in here?”   
“Yes.” Jon briefly looked up from his book. “I’m fine.”

Martin left the room and walked into the kitchen. He almost jumped when he saw Josh standing in the kitchen, pan in hand.

“Oh, hi, Martin,” Josh said, looking up. “You’re still here.”   
Martin frowned. “Where did you think I was?”   
Josh shrugged. “Out. Y’know, since you didn’t come home last night. Thought you might be out again.”   
“I did come home last night,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Not while I was here. Had to leave your mum without a carer.”

Martin sighed. “Well, I’m sorry. I tried to get home, but I had to help a friend with something.” He made his way towards the stove. “What are we having?”

“Oh,” Josh looked at him apologetically. Martin assumed he wasn’t  _ really  _ sorry. “Well, since I thought you and your friend were out, I only made enough for me and your mum.”

“I see.”

“Sorry.”   
Martin sighed and stepped outside for a moment, taking out his phone. He needed to feel the wind on his face. And he needed to talk to his friends.

**_Private Message between_ ** **Martin** **_and_ ** **Tim**

**Tim:** u ok???

**Tim:** is it because i strongly implied that i used to have a crush on u???

**Tim:** bc i swear u knew about that

**Tim:** we had that whole hour long chat about it

**Tim:** i told u i liked u and then u told me u liked jon and then i bullied you mercilessly 

**Martin:** yeah i knew don’t worry

**Martin:** my neighbour’s being a bitch

**Martin:** didn’t make enough food for me and jon

**Tim:** ouch

**Martin:** ouch indeed

**Martin:** it’s ok tho i’m pretty sure he’s a shit cook

**Martin:** never tried his food but he seems like one

**Tim:** idk marto it seems that there’s only one solution

**Martin:** which is?

**Tim:** it seems… u must take jon out for dinner

  
**Martin:** oh no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am now taking applications for tma friends bc i have NONE! if i made a discord server would any of y'all be interested in joining??? if enough ppl say yes i'll post the link in the end notes of the next chapter!


	7. i have never known sleep like the slumber that creeps to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys get some sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: gender dysphoria, mention of aphobia and biphobia (all of this is VERY mild bc i'm trying to keep this fic pretty lighthearted)
> 
> can't believe this first 7 chapters are literally only the first 24 hours of the story???

**oh my god they were roommates**

**Martin:** you’ll never guess what i did

**Tim:** aren’t u out with jon right now???

  
**Tim:** talk to him!!!

  
**Martin:** calm down he went to the toilet

  
**Tim:** oh ok

  
**Tim:** what stupid thing did u do

  
**Sasha:** i’m sure it wasn’t stupid

  
**Martin:** don’t be so sure

  
**Sasha:** oh GOD what did you do???

**  
** **Martin:** so… u know we were talking about tim’s love life

  
**Sasha:** unfortunately

  
**Tim:** you’re the one who brought up my past mistakes!

  
**Sasha:** is a crush on jon a mistake?

**Tim:** yes

  
**Martin:** yes absolutely

  
**Martin:** well i was laughing

  
**Martin:** and jon asked me about it

  
**Tim:** oh god no

  
**Martin:** and i told him it was about ur love life tim

  
**Tim:** you did NOT

  
**Martin:** and he made this DISGUSTED face

  
**Martin:** and he said

**Martin:** he said

**Martin:** “i genuinely cannot think of anything i’d like to hear about less than that”

**Tim:** oh my GOD

**Sasha:** ouchie

**Martin:** but it gets WORSE

**Tim:** how

**Sasha:** i can’t imagine how this could get worse

**Martin:** he sort of kept talking

**Martin:** and he said “i try not to get involved in my employee’s love lives”

**Tim:** ok i can see this going two very different ways

**Tim:** and i’m guessing that u did not go with the good option

**Martin:** and i said

**Martin:** like a fool

**Martin:** “DON’T WORRY! YOU NEVER HAVE TO GET INVOLVED IN MINE!!!”

**Sasha:** oh

**Sasha:** oh no

**Sasha:** that is… worse than i thought

**Martin:** uh YEAH

**Martin:** and then he… didn’t even respond

**Tim:** well that’s an oopsie

**Martin:** it is indeed an oopsie

**Martin:** oh no i see jon coming back

**Martin:** what am i supposed to talk about

**Tim:** don’t worry i’m on it

**Martin:** you’re WHAT

**Martin:** tim you’re WHAT

“I’m back,” Jon smiled as he sat down at the table.

Martin nodded and returned his smile. “You are.” They fell into a silence for a while. And then Martin’s phone started buzzing. He read the first message then looked up at Jon. “I think you’d better check yours.”

**how old is jonathan sims**

**Tim:** so i heard that jonathan sims doesn’t want to hear about my love life

**Sasha:** none of us do

**Jon:** Martin I asked you not to tell him.

**Martin:** … oops

**Tim:** man doesn’t want to hear about my love live… biphobia

**Sasha:** not everything that inconveniences you is biphobia

**Martin:** ^^^

**Jon:** With all due respect, Tim, I don’t think I’m quite capable of biphobia.

**Tim:** and why’s that?

**Tim:** what makes u think you’re immune?

**Jon:** Well, I’m bi.

**Tim:** you’re WHAT NOW

**Martin:** exCUSE ME???

**Sasha:** thank god i don’t have to keep that one secret anymore

**Sasha:** i was internally screaming whenever marto or tim called u a straight man

**Jon:** It was never a secret???

**Jon:** In what way do I resemble a straight man?

**Martin:** i… uhhh…

**Martin:** well now you’ve said that i can’t think of a single way you resemble a straight man

**Jon:** Well, I’m glad we cleared that up.

**Jon:** I can’t have my employees thinking I’m a straight man.

**Jon:** Imagine how much respect I’d lose.

**Tim:** bossman i have a question

**Tim:** does this mean that… when i had a crush on u… i had a chance???

**Jon:** Absolutely not <3

**Sasha:** oh my GOD

**Martin:** jon you’re so funny i can’t believe i ever thought you were straight

**Jon:** Thank you, Martin

**Jon:** Though I hope you know I’ll never forgive you or Tim for assuming I’m straight.

**Jon:** Biphobia :)

**Tim:** you did NOT just uno reverse card me

**Sasha:** oh he DID

**Jon:** Looks like we’d better go, Martin. Our food’s on its way.

**Tim:** have fun on ur date!

**Martin:** shut up tim

“So,” Martin said, taking a bite of his food, “you’re bisexual?” Good going, Martin. Great casual conversation. Sure, go ahead and ask your boss about his sexuality.

“Biromantic asexual,” Jon corrected. “It took a few years to figure out, but I got there eventually.”

Martin nodded his head. “I thought I was ace once,” he told Jon. “Turns out I was just trans.”   
Jon laughed. “Yes, I think a lot of people experience that. In my case, I was definitely right about the asexuality, though.”

“Oh,” Martin said, “I’m sorry if that sounded like I was trying to invalidate you. That wasn’t… I was just saying I know what it is and you don’t have to explain and stuff. I did my research  _ years  _ ago.”

Jon smiled. “It’s okay. Yours is a common experience, I think. I’ve met other people who thought they were ace but actually were just experiencing a lot of dysphoria. I didn’t think you were trying to invalidate my asexuality.”

“Well, that’s good,” Martin said. “Because I wasn’t.”

Jon smiled. “I know. I believe you.” He sighed. “I’m just glad I’m not getting the  _ ‘oh, how do you know?’  _ lecture.”

“Do you really think an employee would ask their boss something like that?” Martin asked.

Jon shrugged. “Maybe Tim. That’s why I didn’t bring it up in the group chat.”

Martin shook his head. “Tim’s actually super respectful. He can be annoying, but he’d never disrespect anyones sexuality.”

“Well, that’s good to know,” Jon grinned. “At least, with having no straight people in the archives, I won’t be hit with the double  _ ‘it’s not real’  _ lecture because I’m bi  _ and  _ ace.”

“Oh, god, yeah,” Martin said. “I can imagine.”

Dinner was nice. The food was good. The restaurant was nice. And Jon was… well, Jon was smiling. And sitting there opposite him, Martin didn’t feel like an employee. He felt like a friend. They were talking. They were laughing. They were having fun. And Martin was loving it.   
Jon told him about The Admiral with a wide smile on his face as he promised Martin he’d take him to meet the cat. Martin made a mental note to stock up on allergy medicine for that day. He loved cats more than he cared about being allergic to them.   
Martin told Jon stories about stupid things Tim and Sasha had done while drunk. After a particularly funny one about a stolen stop sign, Jon laughed.

“God, was Tim serious when he said he used to have a crush on me?” Jon asked him, a grimace on his face.

Martin laughed. “Yes, he was.” He paused. “He also used to have a crush on me, if it makes you feel any better.”   
“It does, actually,” Jon chuckled. 

By the time they got home, Josh had left. Thankfully. Martin glared at the post-it note he’d left on the fridge. In incredibly annoying handwriting, it read:  _ “Do try to get home before 4 a.m - Josh.”  _   
Jon ripped it off the fridge before Martin’s annoyance turned to anger.   
“Thanks,” he whispered to Jon.   
The smaller man smiled. “Don’t mention it.”   
Letting Jon have some privacy while he got ready for bed, Martin went to check on his mum. He opened the door to her bedroom slightly and peered in. She was fast asleep. Thank god. He was tired. And his ribs still hurt. He couldn’t wait to take his binder off and-   
Shit. He was going to have to be binderless in the same room as Jonathan Sims. The thought made him feel very uncomfortable. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.   
He really hated the idea. He really hated it. Why couldn’t Georgie’s girlfriend have moved in just… one month later?  _ After  _ his top surgery? That would’ve been ideal. But no.   
The last time Martin had slept in the same room as someone had been before he came out. He’d been seventeen. And even then he’d been uncomfortable. He’d been sharing the bed with his best friend at the time and he hadn’t slept at all. All he’d thought, as he saw his friend curled up asleep in front of him, was:  _ she can feel my chest, she can feel my chest, she can feel my chest.  _ Of course, she couldn’t feel his chest. She’d been fast asleep, with a cushion between the two of them. But it wasn’t enough to calm him down. Dysphoria tended to amplify everything - every thought, every feeling, every emotion.

He took a deep breath. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe he’d be fine. The two of them were going to be in separate beds. It was going to be  _ fine _ .   
Jon was Jon. He’d only ever known Martin as a man. He fully saw Martin as a man. And he was asexual. Martin didn’t have to worry about Jon fetishising or sexualising his transness. It was fine. And, most importantly, Martin trusted Jon.    
A smile formed on Martin’s face. It was okay. Jon wasn’t going to look at his chest in the night. Jon wasn’t going to be able to feel Martin’s chest because they wouldn’t even be in the same bed. Jon was a good man. Whenever he reminded himself of that, all of Martin’s fears and anxieties surrounding sleeping in the same room as someone seemed silly and small. 

At least he knew he didn’t have to sleep in the same room as a straight man. Now  _ that  _ would be scary.

He knocked on the door to his bedroom and heard a soft “Come in!” Unmistakably Jon’s voice. Part of him felt like he should be holding a cup of tea, reminded of the countless times he’d knocked on the door to Jon’s office.

Jon was sitting on the mattress, in that same  _ What the Ghost?  _ t-shirt Martin had seen him in the previous night. Martin felt his heart melt as he watched Jon, who was in the process of taking his hair down from the messy but it had been in throughout dinner.   
“Alright there?” Jon asked, smiling at him.   
Martin ripped his gaze away from the man, realising he’d been staring. “Yeah. I just… I’ll get changed in the bathroom.” He grabbed an old oversized hoodie and some shorts - a birthday present from Tim and Sasha,  _ ‘Property of the Magnus Institute’  _ printed across the ass. He heard Jon laugh as he walked past him, holding the pair of shorts. “This doesn’t get back to Elias,” Martin grinned.   
“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it,” Jon laughed. “Though I do think we should mass-produce them and give every employee at the Institute a pair. Except Elias. And then have one day where we all turn up wearing them. Just to see his reaction.” Jon didn’t let Martin give his input on the idea before he said, “Go! Get changed.”

Martin nodded and ducked out of the room and into the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and got changed, keeping his binder on.

“Right,” Jon said once Martin stepped back into the room. “I suppose I can go to sleep now.” He started to lie down on the mattress.   
“You’re taking the bed,” Martin told him.   
“No,” Jon shook his head, covering himself up with the spare duvet Martin had found. “I don’t think I am.”   
“Jon-”

Jon sighed. “It’s your bed, Martin.”   
“But you’re the guest!”   
Jon rolled onto his side. “I’m used to sleeping on the floor of the archives, Martin. A mattress is a welcome change.”

Martin groaned. “You see  _ that _ … that right there is exactly why you deserve the bed. You can’t just say ‘I’m used to sleeping on the floor’ and expect me to not offer you the bed.” He sighed, glancing at the bed. “I’d suggest we share but y’know… the whole trans thing. I’m not exactly comfy with sharing. I don’t sleep in my binder. And last time I shared a bed with someone I was so uncomfortable I didn’t sleep at all. It was horrible. I’m just not comfortable.”   
“Yes,” he heard Jon say, “I remember what it was like.” He didn’t leave time for Martin to be confused about his comment before continuing with, “Wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Martin raised an eyebrow. “So you’ll take the bed?”   
“Martin, a slept in a bed last night,” Jon rolled over to face him. “Please, for the love of god, take the bed. Give your poor ribs the rest they need.”   
Martin sighed, climbing into bed. “Fine. But we’re swapping tomorrow.”   
“Seems like a fair arrangement.”   
“Good.”

Martin took his phone out to complain to Tim and Sasha.

**oh my god they were roommates**

**Martin:** jon won’t take the bed :(

**Martin:** why won’t he practice self care

**Sasha:** why won’t YOU practice self care

**Tim:** where’s bossman sleeping

**Martin:** i gave him your mattress

**Tim:** ah matthew the mattress

**Tim:** i hope jon treats him well

**Martin:** you named it???

**Tim:** i’m sorry u have ur “very attractive boss” in your room (your words not mine) 

**Tim:** and you’re concerned about the fact i drunkenly named a mattress and the name stuck

**Martin:** yes

**Sasha:** it’s a valid concern

**Sasha:** i have never once in my life named a mattress

**Tim:** you’re missing out

**Tim:** inanimate objects are so much more fun if u name them

**Martin:** i’m going to sleep

**Martin:** u can tell me about the wonders of naming inanimate objects in the morning

**Tim:** only if u tell me if jon snores

  
Martin rolled his eyes and plugged his phone into its charger. He lay down in bed and wriggled out of his binder under the hoodie, pulling it out of one of the sleeves and pushing it under one of his pillows so he could easily grab it in the morning.   
He was fine. He was sharing a room with someone and he didn’t feel unsafe. He didn’t feel uncomfortable. He felt fine. Good. Nice, even.   
He hugged a pillow against his chest for extra comfort and he drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello people!!! we now have a discord server: https://discord.gg/B5FADGe  
> we can now all make friends and yell about tma together!!!
> 
> also i am sorry friends... there will be no bed sharing until martin has had top surgery. because i am basing his trans experience off of my own :)
> 
> finally the gang know that jon isn't a straight man! however... martin has not yet picked up on the constant trans hints.


	8. my love and its decisive pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk some stuff happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long to get out i've been kinda busy. also i don't really like this chapter. the next one will be a lot more exciting i promise

The first thing Martin felt when he woke up in the morning was panic. The mattress, apparently named Matthew, was on the floor, exactly where it had been the night before. But Jon was nowhere to be seen.

Where was he? Had he slept on the couch? Had he crept back to the archives in the middle of the night? Had he been kidnapped? 

He was panicking. Jon was probably fine. He had to be fine. He _would_ be fine. Martin would make sure of it.

He slid on his binder and got out of bed and into the kitchen.

And there was Jon, already fully dressed, a bowl of cereal in hand, sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book. He was completely fine. 

Martin breathed a sigh of relief. “Morning.”

Jon looked up and smiled. “Morning.”

“How’d you sleep?” 

Jon closed his book and put it down on the table. “I slept really well.” The shorter man had an amazed expression on his face, which Martin couldn’t help but find hilarious.

“Well, get used to it,” Martin chuckled, boiling the kettle, “because you’re taking the bed tonight.”

Jon sighed, an awkward smile on his face. “I was _really_ hoping you’d forgotten about that little agreement.”   
“What?” Martin grinned. “Did you enjoy sleeping on the floor too much?”   
Jon shrugged. “I might have enjoyed it.”   
“And now you want to sleep on the floor every night?”   
Jon leaned forward. “Would you believe me if I said yes.”   
“Absolutely not.” Martin turned away, pouring himself a cup of tea. “Tea?”

“Please.”

After a nice cup of tea and a bowl of cereal, Martin retreated to the bathroom to have a shower.   
That was when his phone started buzzing.

**oh my god they were roommates**

**Tim:** i need to know

**Tim:** does jon snore????

**Martin:** i wouldn’t know i fell asleep before him

**Tim:** :(

**Sasha:** martin!!! you got sleep!!!! i’m proud of you!!!

**Tim:** proud of u marto <333

**Martin:** thank you i guess

**Tim:** ok a different question

**Tim:** what does jon eat for breakfast

**Tim:** i know u stocked up lots of different cereals so you’d definitely have one he likes

**Martin:** sasha!!!!

**Martin:** you weren’t meant to tell :(((

**Sasha:** oops

**Tim:** answer the question marto

**Tim:** what does bossman eat for breakfast

**Martin:** bran flakes

**Martin:** he eats bran flakes

**Tim:** I KNEW IT

**Tim:** SASHA OWES ME £5

**Martin:** you… you bet on what jon eats for breakfast???

**Sasha:** i still think i’m right

**Sasha:** i think he secretly eats something fun like coco pops

**Sasha:** but he’s just eating bran flakes in front of you to uphold his reputation

**Tim:** his reputation as a boring boring man

**Martin:** i can’t imagine jon eating coco pops

**Martin:** sorry sasha ://

**Martin:** speaking of jon

**Martin:** he said something kinda weird last night

**Martin:** and i’m not quite sure what he meant

**Tim:** martin… if u tell us he said “martin blackwood i am in love with u” and expect us to decipher it for u… i don’t know what i’ll do

**Sasha:** ^^^

**Martin:** no it’s not that

**Sasha:** promise?

**Martin:** promise

**Tim:** martin is now trying to think of something new to say so we don’t make fun of him bc that’s exactly what jon said

**Martin:** he didn’t say he loves me!

**Tim:** he didn’t? what a coward

**Martin:** so what ACTUALLY happened was

**Martin:** i was talking about being trans and how i wouldn’t be comfortable sharing the bed (tim don’t u dare) bc i’m trans and i don’t sleep in my binder

**Sasha:** well that’s reassuring at least

**Martin:** i’m not THAT bad at self care

**Sasha:** hmmm sure you’re not

**Martin:** ANYWAY

**Martin:** blah blah blah can’t share the bed bc of the trans thing. dysphoria and stuff

**Martin:** and jon was like “ah yes i remember… i remember what it used to be like”

**Martin:**???

**Martin:** he’s so cryptic??? 

**Martin:** why can’t he Explain what he means???

**Sasha:** have we considered the possibility that jon might not be cis???

**Sasha:** “i remember what it used to be like” sounds a lot like “i remember what it was like before i had top surgery”

**Sasha:** would explain why he knows so much about trans stuff

**Martin:** sasha

**Martin:** i want you to think very hard about the question i’m about to ask you

**Martin:** do you… do you REALLY think that a trans person… who has the option to pick their own name…

**Martin:** do you REALLY THINK any trans person EVER would pick the name jon???

**Martin:** of all names… who would pick JON

**Martin:** u have the option of Any Name Ever

**Martin:** the answer is no

**Martin:** a trans man would never name himself jon i know that for a fact

**Tim:** well…

**Martin:** what

**Tim:** i mean…

**Martin:** spit it out timothy

**Tim:** well, personally… if i got to pick my own name… i wouldn’t pick martin

**Tim:** it doesn’t seem like a name anyone would choose for themselves

**Martin:** shut up it’s what i was meant to be called if i was a cis guy

**Martin:** and jon’s not trans

**Martin:** it’s statistically unlikely that two trans men would work in the same place

**Sasha:** well we thought it was statistically unlikely for there to be so many gays in the office

**Sasha:** and here we are

**Sasha:** not a cishet in sight

**Martin:** he probably has a trans friend or something

**Martin:** that’ll be it

**Tim:** i don’t think jon has any friends ://

**Martin:** i know for a fact he has at least one

**Tim:** oh shit really?

**Tim:** that’s probably it then

**Tim:** trans friend

**Tim:** we solved it

**Martin:** do either of you feel like helping me and jon carry boxes today?

**Martin:** we left a bunch of his stuff in rosie’s car overnight and we were gonna carry it to my flat today

**Martin:** but there’s a LOT of it

**Martin:** it’s literally everything he owns

**Tim:** aw he’s officially moving in <3333

**Sasha:** what time?

**Martin:** 11

**Sasha:** we’ll both be there

**Tim:** will we?

**Sasha:** yes

**Tim:** ok we’ll both be there

**Martin:** ok nice :)

  
  


**_Private Message between_ ** **Martin** **_and_ ** **Tim**

**Martin:** simp

**Tim:** i-

**Tim:** i can still say no to helping you

**Martin:** but u won’t

**Martin:** bc sasha’s gonna be there

**Tim:** if u don’t stop i will heavily hint that he should kiss u

**Martin:** oh poor sweet tim

**Martin:** i’ve been heavily hinting for SO LONG

**Martin:** the man’s oblivious

**Tim:** oh marto

**Tim:** oh poor sweet marto

**Tim:** my version of heavily hinting is very different to your version of heavily hinting

**Martin:** oh

**Martin:** oH

**Martin:** how is my good friend tim who definitely isn’t in love with our good friend sasha :)))

**Tim:** that’s better

The five of them - Jon, Martin, Tim, Sasha and Rosie, all met in the Magnus Institute’s car park at eleven o’clock, chatting away as they carried the boxes to Martin’s flat. It took quite a few journeys before all of it was safely through the door, but Martin was thankful that he’d had the bright idea to invite Tim and Sasha. He didn’t want to think about how long it would’ve taken with just him, Jon and Rosie.

When they’d dropped all of the stuff off at the flat, Tim suggested they all go out for lunch. Rosie politely declined, saying she had to get home. They let her go, leaving the four of them together.

“I don’t know,” Jon frowned. “I should probably get started with all this unpacking.”

Martin rolled his eyes. “Jon,” he said in a stern voice. “Do you _really_ want to be alone in there with my mother?”

Jon sighed. “No. No, I do not.”

“Great,” Martin grinned. “So it’s decided. We’ll go to lunch and we can unpack when we get home.”

Jon nodded his head and shot Martin a small smile before turning away. Martin was too busy thinking about Jon’s smile to notice Tim and Sasha starting at him in amazement.

“Since when do you stand up to Jon?” Tim whispered when Jon was out of earshot, walking in front of them, side by side with Sasha.

Martin shrugged. “It’s a new development.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Tim grinned. “Well, keep up the good work. Maybe you’ll knock some sense into him.”

“I’m so glad you’ve started saying yes when we invite you out with us,” Sasha smiled at Jon as the four of them sat down.

Jon gave her a small, awkward smile. “Yes, well, thank Martin.” He looked down at the table, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. “He’s had a lot to do with it.”

“Thanks, Martin,” Tim smirked as Martin’s face burned. “So, Jon,” Tim continued. “Is it really true that you moved out because of an angry lesbian?”

Jon sighed. “Yes. Yes, that is true.”

Lunch carried on like that until Jon and Martin excused themselves early, saying they should get to unpacking.

“What was that about?” Jon asked as they walked back to the flat. “I thought you said we needed a break.”

Martin nodded. “We do. But I thought it would be nice for those two to have some alone time.”

A confused expression formed on Jon’s face as they walked. “Wait.” Jon stopped walking. “Martin, when you were talking about Tim’s love life, did you mean…”

“I thought you didn’t want to get involved in your employees’ love lives,” Martin teased.

Jon chuckled softly. “Did I say that?” He paused, frowning. “I _did_ say that, didn’t I? Nevermind then.”   
“I’m joking, Jon,” Martin smiled. “It’s the weekend. You don’t need to be all professional and… boss-like.”

Jon grinned. “I’m not sure that’s how it works, Martin.” He shook his head, laughing. “Go on, then. Tell me about Tim and Sasha.”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

The first thing Martin did when they got home was check on his mum. But when he opened the door to her room, she wasn’t there.

He sighed and took out his phone.

**_Private Message between_ ** **Martin** **_and_ ** **Josh**

**Martin:** joshua

**Martin:** i ask this in the nicest way possible

**Martin:** WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MOTHER?

**Josh:** calm down we’re at the hospital

**Josh:** for her checkup 

**Josh:** you were out so i took her myself

**Martin:** was that today?

**Martin:** shit

**Josh:** it’s fine i’ve got it covered

**Martin:** ok

**Martin:** look after her

**Martin:** is this the one she has to stay overnight for?

**Josh:** yeah ://

**Martin:** right

**Martin:** what time should i come and get her?

**Josh:** 9

**Martin:** right ok

**Martin:** thanks josh

**Martin:** i can’t believe i forgot

**Josh:** you’ll remember next time

**Martin:** yeah

**Martin:** yeah i will

He sighed and put his phone away, walking out of his mother’s room. He glanced around the room and saw Jon sat on the floor cross legged, sorting the contents of one of the boxes into piles.

“How can I help?” Martin asked.

Jon spun around and smiled at him. “How is she?” He cocked his head towards Martin’s mother’s bedroom door.

“Not there,” Martin explained. “Josh took her to a hospital appointment. She’s staying there overnight.”

“Is she okay?” Jon asked, voice softening.

Martin nodded, smiling. “Just a checkup.” He paused. “Jon?”

“Hm.”

“Since my mum’s not here tonight,” he took a deep breath, suddenly nervous, “how would you feel about having a movie night? Watch a few films, eat snacks, y’know. It’ll be fun.”

Jon smiled. “I think I’d like that.”

After they finished unpacking, the two of them went shopping for snacks.

“How many people are we buying for?” Jon asked, stretching his arm out to try and grab something from one of the supermarket’s shelves.

Martin got it down from the shelf for him, throwing it into the shopping basket. “What do you mean?”

“Are Tim and Sasha coming?” Jon asked. “Or just Tim. Or just Sasha. Or Rosie. Or all of them. How many people are we buying for?”

“Oh,” Martin had been hoping that it would be just the two of them. Jon obviously didn’t want that. “Well, I wanted to wait until I knew you were comfortable before inviting anyone else.” Lie. “The whole, y’know, boss thing.”

Jon raised an eyebrow. “Weren’t you the one saying I should spend more time with my employees?”  
Martin nodded his head. “Yes, I did say that.” He paused. “So you’re fine with me inviting them?”

“Yes, Martin,” Jon smiled. “I’m comfortable with that.”

**oh my god they were roommates**

**Martin:** asked jon if he wanted to watch a few movies with me tonight

**Martin:** he immediately assumed you two were invited

**Martin:** so are you free tonight?

**Sasha:** i’m free!

**Tim:** me too

**Tim:** but… i mean… if you wanted…

**Tim:** we could lie… and say we’re busy…

**Tim:** if u wanted it to just be you and jon

**Sasha:** oh yeah we can definitely do that

**Martin:** no you should come along

**Martin:** i need someone to punch me if i say something stupid

**Tim:** ok

**Tim:** i’ll bring booze

**Sasha:** oooo yes bring lots

**Sasha:** i want to see jon drunk

**Martin:** tim

**Martin:** tim no

**Martin:** i don’t want jon to see me drunk

**Martin:** and i don’t want to be hungover when i have to pick up my mum from the hospital tomorrow

**Tim:** that sounds like a you problem

**Sasha:** just don’t get drunk

**Sasha:** what time do you want us there?

**Martin:** 7-ish maybe

**Sasha:** we’ll be there

Martin tucked his phone into his pocket and sighed. There was no way the night was going to end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> join our discord! https://discord.gg/QFYrR5
> 
> also i've written two tma one shots while i've been taking a break from this fic so read those pls!


	9. i feel like a person for a moment of my life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jon and martin settle into a new routine together. but jon has maken a mistaken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one's a bit shorter

Martin had learned three things that night.

  1. Jonathan Sims was a cuddly drunk.
  2. Jonathan Sims was a lightweight.
  3. Jonathan Sims _definitely_ needed a nap.



They’d only got through one film and Jon was already asleep on Martin’s shoulder. 

“Should I wake him up?” Martin whispered, looking down at Tim and Sasha, who were both sitting on the floor.

Tim shrugged. “He looks comfortable.”

Martin sighed. “Yes, Tim, I  _ know  _ he looks comfortable now. But if he sobers up and finds out he took a little nap on his assistant’s shoulder… well, I don’t exactly know what he’d do but I can’t imagine it’d make him staying here any easier.”

“Fair point,” Sasha said. “We should probably get him to bed.”

Martin nodded his head. “His sleep schedule must be worse than I thought.”

“Are you really surprised?” Tim raised an eyebrow.

“No,” Martin sighed. “No, I’m not.”

The three of them were silent for a moment, each of them slightly nervous about waking their boss.

“Should we go?” Sasha asked. “I mean, it’s not like we’re going to put another film on if he’s asleep.”

Tim nodded his head in agreement. “We should probably go before he wakes up. Don’t want him insisting on another ten-minute group hug.” There had been many that night. Sober Jon and drunk Jon were apparently two  _ very  _ different people.

Martin chuckled softly, doing his best not to wake Jon. “I guess you’re right.”

They said their goodbyes, Tim and Sasha both planting a quick kiss to the top of Martin’s head, making up for the fact that he was currently unable to stand up and hug them goodbye. He smiled and waved at them as they left the flat.

**_Private Message between_ ** **Martin** **_and_ ** **Tim**

**Tim:** _ [A photo: Jon and Martin are huddled together on the couch, a blanket draped over them. Martin is laughing and Jon is looking at him with an expression that can only be described as adoration.] _

**Tim:** _ [A photo: Martin and Jon, sitting even closer to each other than they were in the first photo. Jon has his arms around Martin, his chin resting on Martin’s shoulder, starting up at him with a wide smile on his face. Martin looks slightly alarmed but is also smiling.] _

**Tim:** _ [A photo: Jon is asleep on Martin’s shoulder. Martin is smiling down at him, his face slightly flushed.] _

**Tim:** thought you might like these

**Martin:** hhhhhhh

**Martin:** two can play at that game

**Tim:** what

**Tim:** martin what

**Tim:** what

**Martin:** _ [A photo: Sasha is staring at the television screen, focusing on the film. Tim isn’t watching the film. He’s looking at her and smiling.] _

**Tim:** oh no

**Martin:** :)))

**Tim:** i have more of you and jon

**Martin:** and i have more of you and sasha :)

**Tim:** i hate you

**Martin:** no you don’t

**Tim:** no i don’t

**Tim:** have fun waking jon up

Martin put his phone down and gave Jon a little nudge.

“Jon?”

Jon didn’t move.

“Jon?”

Nothing.

He nudged him harder this time. “Jon?”

“Hm?” Jon opened his eyes, smiling when he saw Martin. “Hello.”

Martin laughed. “Hello to you too.” He was expecting Jon to move, but he didn’t. “You tired?”

Jon yawned and nodded his head. “Very.”

“You gonna move?” Martin asked.

Jon shook his head and inched somehow closer to Martin, wrapping his arms around the larger man. “Comfy here.”

Martin tried his best to stay calm as he spoke. “We need to get you to bed.”

Jon frowned, lifting his head off of Martin’s shoulder and glancing around the room. “Did Tim and Sasha go?”

Martin nodded. “Yes.”

“Good,” Jon said, to Martin’s surprise. “Wanted it to be just us two.”

Martin raised an eyebrow. “No, you didn’t.” He sighed, standing up and offering a hand to Jon. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Jon reluctantly took Martin’s hand and let Martin drag him into the bedroom.

“I want the mattress,” Jon said as soon as Martin closed the door.

Martin shook his head. “No, Jon. We had an agreement.”

“You deserve the bed, Martin. You’re-”

Martin sighed and, in once fluid motion, picked the smaller man up and set him down on the bed. “You’re taking the bed.”

Jon grumbled but lay down, pulling the duvet up over himself. Martin was about to lie down on the mattress when Jon spoke again. “Martin?”

“Yeah?”

Jon sat up and smiled. “You’re really nice, Martin. You’re just… you’re  _ nice _ . And you’re very good at it.” Jon leaned forward and gripped Martin’s hands in his own, fixing him with a serious stare. “You are  _ very  _ good at being nice. You always take care of me and I don’t deserve it and it makes me feel nice and you’re… you’re so…  _ nice _ .” Jon finally took a breath to breathe, letting go of Martin’s hands. “Goodnight, Martin.”

Martin smiled. “Goodnight, Jon.”

Before he could turn away, the sleepy, drunk Jonathan Sims leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. Jon looked as shocked as Martin felt, and immediately lay down and pulled the duvet up over his head.

Martin stood there for a second, not sure what to do, before retreating to the bathroom and taking out his phone.

**oh my god they were roommates**

**Martin:** jon just kissed me on the cheek and now he’s pretending to be asleep

**Tim:** wHAT

**Sasha:** yes that exactly i agree

**Sasha:** wHAT

**Sasha:** we need the full story pls

**Martin:** so it took a while to actually get him into bed bc he was very content sleeping on my shoulder

**Tim:** gay

**Martin:** but i managed to get him to go to bed and then he went on a rant about how nice i am

**Sasha:** gay

**Martin:** and then he just… kissed me on the cheek and now he’s pretending to be asleep

**Martin:** i can see that he’s on his phone

**Tim:** so what i’m hearing is… drunk jon is just as bad at communication as sober jon

**Martin:** i mean i don’t think there’s anything to communicate 

**Martin:** it’s not like he actually meant anything by it

**Tim:** god not this again

**Martin:** he’s just very affectionate when he’s drunk

**Sasha:** *very affectionate with you

**Martin:** he was very cuddly with you two as well!

**Tim:** but mostly with you

**Martin:** because i happened to be sitting next to him!

**Sasha:** sure

**Sasha:** if you say so

**Tim:** go to sleep martin you have a mother tomorrow

**Martin:** i have a mother everyday 

**Tim:** u know what i mean

Surprisingly, Martin did get sleep that night.

Jon was still asleep when he woke up. He didn’t wake him. He quickly scribbled a note, saying: 

_ ‘Gone to fetch my mum. Should be back soon. If Josh turns up, tell him to fuck off. :) _ _   
_ _ Thanks, Martin.’ _

He called a taxi and collected his mum from the hospital.

Everything was fine.

Well, not  _ fine  _ fine but… nothing different. 

The ride home was quiet. Almost silent. The only time they spoke was when Martin’s mum yelled at him for forgetting to take her to her appointment the day before. He just nodded his head and looked out of the window for the rest of the ride home.

When they got home, Jon had made breakfast for all three of them. That lifted Martin’s spirits immediately.

The next week passed quickly.

Work continued as usual, with a few slight differences. Jon and Martin arriving at work together, leaving together, discussing after-work plans together. There was also the difference of Jon smiling when Martin brought him a cup of tea. Martin was very quickly finding himself quite fond of that change.

The two of them fell into a routine. They took turns sleeping in Martin’s bed, and whoever slept in the bed would make tea and breakfast in the morning. They’d walk to work together, sometimes picking up something from a nearby coffee shop for Tim and Sasha. They’d say their goodbyes and go to their own desks, and after a few hours, Martin would bring him a cup of tea. Jon would take a short five-minute break then for a quick chat with Martin and then they’d both go back to work. They’d go to lunch with Tim and Sasha, or sometimes it’d be just the two of them. They’d walk back to the institute, always talking, usually laughing. They’d get back to work again. In the afternoon, Martin would bring Jon another cup of tea. They’d have another five-minute break for a chat. And a few hours later, they’d walk home. Sometimes they’d get changed out of their work clothes and go on a walk, do the shopping, maybe sit in a coffee shop for a bit. Or sometimes, if they were particularly tired, they’d collapse on the couch and watch a film together. Later, they’d cook together. That was one of Martin’s favourite times of the day.   
If Josh insisted on being there (which he didn’t need to do, since Martin was perfectly capable of taking care of his own mother), Jon and Martin would go out for dinner, or they’d order takeaway to eat in their room. Martin had never tried Josh’s cooking and he wasn’t going to start now. If Josh insisted on staying at the flat later, Martin and Jon would go out for drinks with Tim and Sasha. Jon remained a clingy, cuddly, affectionate drunk. Martin didn’t mind. If Tim and Sasha were unavailable, they’d still drink.  _ “I drink to forget Josh the neighbour from Hell,”  _ Jon had once joked. Martin fell a little bit more in love with him whenever he told a joke. Jon, apparently, was  _ really funny  _ when he wanted to be.   
When Tim and Sasha weren’t available, and when Josh was around, they’d retreat to their bedroom with a bottle of wine. They’d sit on the bed and watch Netflix on Jon’s laptop. Or they’d play a board game. Martin didn’t own many board games that worked with only two people, but they found it was quite easy to change the rules.    
When the two of them started to feel tired, they’d go to sleep, one of them in the bed, one of them on the mattress. And they’d sleep. In just a week, they’d found a routine. And both of their sleep schedules seemed to be improving. 

Everything was looking up.

Which was why Martin was so worried when Jon, after a long phone call one evening, entered the bedroom with a sheepish, guilty look on his face.

Martin was sitting on the bed, reading a book. He looked up smiling as Jon walked into the room, but Jon didn’t say anything, or even smile back. He just sat on the edge of the bed, as far away from Martin as possible, and stared at the wall.

At first, Martin thought it was work-related.

“Statement spooked you?” He asked, putting his book down.

“What?” Jon looked at him. “Oh, no.”

Martin raised an eyebrow. “Was that Elias on the phone?”

Jon shook his head. “Georgie.”

“Oh,” Martin smiled brightly. He hadn’t met Georgie yet but she seemed lovely. “Still scared of her angry lesbian girlfriend? Is that it?”

Jon didn’t laugh. He inched a tiny bit closer to Martin, still keeping his distance. “Martin,” he started, voice shaking slightly. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Oh, god,” Martin frowned. “Something as in… normal. Or is it a spooky something?”

Jon let out a low chuckle then. “No, nothing spooky. Nothing like that.” He took a deep breath, finally looking Martin in the eyes. “I… Georgie wants to see where I’m living.”

Martin considered for a moment. “Oh. Oh!” He smiled. “Well, I’m sure we can clean the place up. Make it look nice for her.”   
Jon responded immediately. “No, Martin.” He sucked in a breath. “That’s not the issue.”

“Jon,” Martin said in a stern voice. “What did you do?”

Jon swivelled on the bed, properly facing Martin. He crossed his legs. He looked like he was about to confess to murder. “So, before I moved out,” Jon smiled awkwardly, “to make sure she didn’t worry about me… you see, she knows me. She knows I’m not exactly the best at looking after myself. So she had a right to be worried, really. But I didn’t want her to worry. I was scared that she’d work out that I was living at work. She definitely wouldn’t put it past me. So I may have told a  _ little  _ lie about my living situation.”

Martin sighed. This was fine. He knew lying. He knew how to lie. Maybe he could help. “Jon, what did you tell her?”

Jon’s head was in his hands. He refused to look at Martin. Jon’s next words came out in a loud, embarrassed whine. “I may have told her I was moving in with a partner.”

Martin took a moment to process this information. He groaned, flopping down on the bed. “Oh no.”

Jonathan Sims was going to be the death of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come and talk to me on our discord server: https://discord.gg/XvjDNW
> 
> as usual, comments are Very Welcome and feel free to draw art of any scene in this fic!


	10. my heart is screaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lovesick idiots pretend to be dating. tim finds out jon's age

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you, thinking this fic is a normal roommates au: :))  
> me, surprising you with a fake dating au: hello jon. apologies for the deception

“Oh no.” Martin wanted to scream. Why did Jonathan Sims have to be  _ so stupid?  _

Jon looked up at him. “Very much oh no.” They stared at each other for a moment, neither of them sure what to do. And then Jon burst into laughter.

“Stop laughing!” Martin protested, though he could feel his own laughter bubbling up inside him. “Stop laughing! This is your stupid problem we’ve got to fix!”   
Jon didn’t stop laughing. “I know, I know,” he said, flopping down on the bed next to Martin. He rolled onto his side, still laughing. “It’s just  _ so stupid. _ ”

“Yes,” Martin agreed. “Yes, you are.” He raised an eyebrow at the ridiculous man. “I mean, did you  _ really  _ think she wouldn’t ask to see where you live at some point?”

“I…” Jon paused for a moment. “I didn’t think that far ahead.”

Martin sighed. “Of course you didn’t.” He cracked a smile. “Getting away from that angry lesbian was just so much more important.”

Jon gasped in faux offense. “Melanie King is  _ very scary. _ ”

Martin chuckled. “I’m sure she is if she can scare away Jonathan Sims,” he put on his best Jon-doing-statements impression, “head archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.”

Jon raised an eyebrow. “Was that meant to be me?”

“Maybe,” Martin grinned. “ _ I  _ think it was pretty good.” The two of them stayed there, lying next to each other, laughing, until Martin found himself frowning. “Are you going to tell Georgie the truth?”

Jon sighed. “That would mean admitting that I lived in the archives for a week, admitting I lied to her, admitting I’m scared of her girlfriend. I just-”

“Ah,” Martin said. “I can see how that would be unappealing.”

Jon sat up. He brushed a strand of dark hair away from his face. “I suppose I could tell her I broke up with my partner and you offered me a place to stay.”

Martin couldn’t help laughing. “You want to tell her that you broke up  _ two weeks  _ after moving in with them?”

Jon shrugged. “It’s probably happened to  _ someone. _ ”

“I don’t think that’s a very common experience, Jon.”

“No, you’re right.” Jon shook his head, laughing. “God, how did I get into this mess?”

Martin smirked. “By being scared of an angry lesbian.”

Jon rolled his eyes, a smile still on his face. “By being scared of an angry lesbian.”

When Martin returned to their bedroom with two mugs of tea and a packet of biscuits, Jon had already started a mindmap. Jon’s handwriting, especially when he was panicked, wasn’t exactly legible. Martin tried to read the scribbles across the page, but gave up after about five seconds.

“What’s the plan?” Martin asked, handing Jon a cup of tea.

Jon took a sip, seemingly not bothered by the burning heat of the drink. “Three options,” he started, “first option: I fake my death. Second option: we fake a relationship. Third option: I just never text her back.”

Martin laughed. “Jon,” he said, “I think we both know what the only logical option is.”

Jon looked up at him, smiling. “Yes, I think I do.” He suddenly frowned, staring at the mindmap, deep in thought. “Do you think we could actually pull it off? Do you think we’d actually make a convincing couple?”

Martin shrugged. “I’m going to ask Rosie.” When Jon opened his mouth to protest, Martin said, “I’ll tell her she’s sworn to secrecy, okay? We just need a second opinion.”

Jon nodded his head. “Okay. Ask her.”

**_Private Message between_ ** **Martin** **_and_ ** **Rosie**

**Martin:** a question

**Martin:** and don’t laugh

**Martin:** hypothetically… if me and jon pretended to be in a relationship… would it be convincing 

**Rosie:** martin what are you doing

**Martin:** please just answer the question

**Martin:** oh and don’t mention this to anyone

**Rosie:** i think you’d make a very convincing couple

**Rosie:** and a very cute one too

**Rosie:** you’re already halfway there with all the pining

**Martin:** shush

**Martin:** but thank you rosie :))

**Rosie:** you’re welcome

**Rosie:** but you still owe me 

“She said we’d be convincing,” Martin said triumphantly. He left out the part about them making a cute couple. And the bit about the pining.

“Hm,” Jon considered this. “I’m still not sure. I mean, it’s been a  _ long time  _ since I was in a relationship. I don’t know if I could… I don’t know if I could just fake something like that.”

Martin thought about this for a moment, and slowly, an idea formed in his mind. “We could practice,” he suggested.

“What?”

Martin shrugged. “We could practice. In front of my mum and Josh. See how they react. That might give us a good idea of how convincing we are.”

Jon raised an eyebrow, smirking. “You just want to prank Josh.”

“Okay, maybe.” Martin laughed. “But, just think about it-”

“I’m in,” Jon grinned.

“What?”

“I’m in,” Jon repeated. “Maybe if Josh thinks we’re a couple, he’ll leave us alone a bit more.”

Martin gasped. “I didn’t even think of that. You’re a genius.”

“I do try.”

**how old is jonathan sims**

**Tim:** are you two still coming?

**Jon:** Did we have something planned?

**Sasha:** yes jon

**Sasha:** yes we did

**Sasha:** drinks tonight???

**Sasha:** remember???

**Tim:** martin said the bitch neighbour was gonna be at the flat tonight

**Martin:** oh yeah he is

**Martin:** but… uh… something came up

**Jon:** Yes. That.

**Sasha:** do we get to know what that something is?

**Martin:** not yet

**Jon:** Maybe another time.

**Sasha:** mysterious

**Tim:** i’m expecting answers tomorrow

**Tim:** either about this or about how old jon is

**Tim:** take your pick

**Jon:** No. I don’t think I will.

“Do I get to know how old you are?” Martin asked. “I mean, we’re meant to be dating. I feel like I should probably know how old you are.”

“Oh,” Jon said, looking up from his phone. “I’m twenty-eight.”

There was a silence. And then Martin raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

Jon nodded his head and sighed. “I know I don’t look it but-”

“No, that’s not it,” Martin said, exasperated. “I thought  _ I  _ was the baby of the archives!”

“Martin-”

“Tim and Sasha have been calling me a  _ child  _ ever since I started here!” He let out a frustrated sigh. “And then I find out that my  _ boss  _ is a whole  _ year  _ younger than me! Unbelievable!”

“Martin-”

Martin cut him off again. “ _ Twenty-eight!  _ I can’t believe this.  _ You’re  _ the baby of the archives, not me. You’ve got to tell Tim and Sasha now! You’ve been keeping quiet  _ all this time  _ while Sasha calls me a  _ child _ ! I-”

Martin was cut off by Jon’s laughter, louder than he’d ever heard it. “I’m sorry, I-”

“Don’t laugh at me!” Martin was trying really hard to suppress his own laughter. “Don’t you  _ dare  _ laugh at me!”

Jon was silent for a moment. “Martin?”

“Yeah?”

“We were meant to be planning what we’re going to say to your mum.”

Martin gave Jon a smug smile. “I’m not pretending to be your boyfriend until you tell Tim and Sasha who the real baby of the archives is.”

“Martin!” Jon was very clearly trying not to laugh.

Martin grinned. “I’m helping  _ you  _ by fake dating you. Now you help  _ me  _ by telling them you’re the baby of the archives.”

Jon let out a long sigh. “Fine.”

**how old is jonathan sims**

**Jon:** I have a confession to make

**Tim:** you’re in love with me?

**Tim:** you’re in love with sasha?

**Tim:** you’re in love with martin?

**Sasha:** shut up tim

**Sasha:** let the man speak

**Martin:** yes… let him speak… :)))

**Jon:** Do I really have to do this?

**Martin:** yes. yes you do :)

**Jon:** I’m the baby of the archives

**Tim:** what

**Jon:** I’m 28

**Jon:** I’m the baby of the archives, not Martin.

**Tim:** oh my GOD

**Tim:** 28????

**Tim:** ASDFGKNSANNDK

**Tim:** wHAT

**Tim:** i-

Martin and Jon both put their phones away, planning to read through Tim’s many messages together later. It’d probably be a good laugh.

“So,” said Jon, “now that’s over with, shall we get on with convincing your mother that we’re dating?”

“Yes,” Martin nodded his head. “Let’s do that.”

Unfortunately, trying to convince his mother that Jon was his boyfriend meant spending time with her. Which meant spending time with Josh. Which meant staying home when Josh was there. Which meant eating food that Josh had cooked.

Josh usually ate with Martin’s mother in her room.

He seemed surprised when Jon and Martin took the food he offered them, and even more surprised when they followed him into Martin’s mother’s room.

There was only one chair in the room so Martin and Jon settled on sitting on the floor. It was okay, Martin thought. He’d never heard of an LGBTQ+ person being able to sit in a chair properly anyway. It was probably best that Josh took the chair next to the bed.

The two of them sat close together, Jon cross-legged, Martin with his long legs stretched out in front of him.

Martin’s mum glanced at the two of them and raised an eyebrow. “So you’ve both decided to join us today?”

“Yes,” Jon chimed in before Martin had a chance to respond. “I hope that’s okay, Ms. Blackwood.”

She shrugged. “I don’t see why not.” She turned away from the two men. “Josh, let Jon have the chair. He’s our guest.”

Martin wanted to point out that Josh was also a guest, but stopped himself. Instead, as Josh started to stand up, he smiled and glanced towards Jon. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, mum. I’ve seen Jon sit in a chair before. It’s not a good idea to make him sit in a chair while he’s trying to eat.”

Jon stared at him. “Am I really that bad?”

Martin’s grin widened. “Yes!” He exclaimed. “I walk into your office to bring you a cup of tea and you’re crouching on the chair or you’ve got both your legs over the side of the chair or you’re not even sitting on the chair! Sometimes, and these are the funniest, I walk in and you’re sitting on your desk with your legs on the chair.”

A smile started to form on Jon’s face and he let out a low chuckle. “Do I really do that?”

“Sometimes the chair isn’t even involved,” Martin grinned at him. “One time I walked in and the chair was kicked to the side and you were sitting on your desk with your legs crossed. And another time you were just lying on your desk and holding a statement above you while you read it.”

Jon was properly laughing now. “Christ, that must look stupid.”

“Not really,” Martin beamed. “I think it’s kind of cute.”

Jon tore his gaze away from Martin and stared down at his food, still smiling. “I’m not cute, Martin. I’m a grown man.” His voice was slightly quieter than before, and Martin was sure he could hear nervous laughter coming from Jon.

“Yeah,” Martin snorted. “A five foot two grown man.”

Jon’s head swivelled to face the larger man. “Not all of us are unnecessarily tall!”

“Unnecessarily?” Martin gasped. “If I wasn’t this tall, who would you ask to get you files from the top shelf at work?”

Jon opened his mouth, and Martin was sure he was going to say something about Sasha and Tim also being tall, but they were interrupted by Josh  _ very loudly  _ clearing his throat. Both men turned their heads, and Martin realised that his mother and Josh were both also in the room. 

Martin smiled at his mother, but she sighed. “If you boys are going to do… whatever that was, would you consider doing it somewhere else?”

“Sorry, Ms. Blackwood,” Jon apologised.

“Sorry, mum,” Martin frowned.

She just sighed again. “I’d appreciate a bit of space. And some peace and quiet, if that’s fine with you.” She fixed her son with a hard stare.

Martin stood up quickly, taking Jon’s hand and pulling him to his feet. “Fine. We can go. That’s fine. Let’s go, Jon.”

“Thank you,” his mother sighed.

“Oh, there is one more thing,” Martin said, stopping at the door. “I wanted you to know that Jon and I are dating.” He probably wouldn’t have been able to say it if she hadn’t snapped at him.

Her expression didn’t change. “I already knew that, Martin. Now,  _ please,  _ leave me.”

Twenty minutes later, the two of them were lying on Martin’s bed, Jon on his stomach, Martin on his back.

“Well, at least we know we’re a convincing couple,” Jon pointed out, though he didn’t seem so sure about that being a good thing.

“I suppose,” Martin sighed. He grabbed a pillow and hugged it over his chest. He was wearing a binder, but he needed the comfort. He squeezed his eyes shut.

And then he heard Jon. Soft laughter was coming from the man next to him. He slowly opened his eyes, glancing at the man next to him.

“What is it?”

Jon smiled at him and passed his phone to the other man, letting Martin read the wall of text.

**how old is jonathan sims**

**Tim:** i cannot BELIEVE jonathan sims is TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD

**Tim:** TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS YOUNG

**Tim:** a CHILD

**Tim:** martin i am SO SORRY for the absolute SLANDER

**Tim:** martin you aren’t a child

**Tim:** jon’s the child

**Tim:** i’m so sorry for all those “the k in martin blackwood stands for kid” jokes

**Tim:** you’re a whole 29 years old

**Tim:** jon however

**Tim:** jon is 28

**Tim:** which makes him the youngest

**Tim:** i think we all know what i have to do

**Tim** _ renamed the group chat:  _ **jonathan sims is baby**

Martin grinned and passed the phone back to the other man. “He has a point.”

Jon didn’t seem to hear him. “Do you want to go on a walk?”

“Now?” It was dark outside, and getting quite late.

Jon shrugged. “We should sort out the details of this whole fake relationship thing. We don’t want your mum overhearing.”

“Good point,” Martin agreed, forcing himself to stand up. “Let’s go.”

It was a nice night. Clear skies and no sign of rain. A nice night for a walk.

“Do you want to practice holding hands?” Jon asked almost as soon as they were out of the flat. “I mean,” he continued, “only if you want to. Only if you’re comfortable.”

Martin rolled his eyes and intertwined his fingers with Jon’s. “Yes, I’m comfortable.” And it was the truth. He was comfortable. He was  _ very  _ comfortable. He was just also quite panicked. And very gay. And falling more in love with Jon every second. But it was okay. He was well practiced in lying. He could act calm. Probably. Hopefully. Maybe.

“Good,” Jon smiled. “I’m… uh… I’m glad you’re comfortable.”

Martin smiled. “So,” he tried not to think about the comforting warmth of Jon’s hand in his own, “I was thinking, and I think it’s probably best if we keep the story of y’know… our relationship as close to the truth as possible.”

Jon nodded his head in agreement. “I was thinking that, too.” He thought for a moment. “Shall we say we’ve been dating for a bit over a month?”

“Bit soon to move in together,” Martin frowned.

Jon shrugs. “Well, I did only just move in.”

“That’s true.”

“And,” Jon smiled up at the taller man, “correct me if I’m wrong, but I get the impression that you’d still offer me a place to stay if we  _ were  _ dating.”

Martin tried not to explode at the mention of him and Jon hypothetically dating. “Yes,” he said. “Yes, I suppose I would.”

Jon was silent for a moment. “Georgie does know we work together, though. We have to remember that. She knows I’m your boss.”

Martin frowned. “Does the Institute have any rules about that sort of thing?”

“I don’t know,” Jon shrugged. “But we might want to tell her that Elias doesn’t know.”

Martin nodded. “And that works, since he doesn’t know you’re living with me.”

“Exactly.” He paused. “What else do you think she’ll ask about?”

Martin thought for a moment. “Our first date maybe. I don’t know, honestly.”

Jon sighed and gestured to a bench. They both sat down. Much to Martin’s disappointment, Jon let go of his hand. He watched as the small man pulled his legs up onto the bench and hugged them to his chest, shivering.

“Are you cold?” Martin asked.

Jon shook his head. “No, I’ll be fine. Should’ve brought a coat, that’s all.”

“Take mine,” Martin said immediately.

Jon shook his head. “No, Martin, you’ll be cold.”

“Please.” Martin said, slipping his coat and handing it over to Jon.

Jon reluctantly put the coat on. It was way too big for him, but Martin supposed that meant it would provide more warmth. Probably. “Thank you,” Jon smiled. “So, first date.”

“Yes,” Martin said. “That. What did we do?”

“I…” Jon started. “I don’t know.” He groaned. “This is really difficult.”

“It is,” Martin agreed. “It’s hard. To know what we’d do. If we were dating, that is.”

Both men were silent for a moment. Martin’s gaze wandered to the smaller man, sitting drowned in Martin’s coat. His chin was resting on his knees, still pulled into his chest. Jon was thinking about something. Martin could practically see the cogs turning in his head.

“Martin,” Jon finally spoke. “How would you feel about actually… nevermind, it’s stupid.”

“I bet it’s not,” Martin said. “Go on.”

Jon didn’t look at him, instead watching a man with a dog walk past them. “How would you feel about actually going on a date? For research purposes. So we actually have a story to tell Georgie.”

Martin sat there for a moment, stunned. That was probably the closest he’d ever get to being asked out by Jonathan Sims. Maybe he couldn’t act calm after all. “I…” he managed to snap himself out of it. “I think that’s a good idea, Jon.”

“Okay,” Jon nodded his head, looking up at Martin. “Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow sounds good.”

Maybe, just  _ maybe  _ Martin was in too deep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> join our discord: https://discord.gg/FbhWyn
> 
> please please PLEASE leave comments i love reading comments
> 
> as usual, if any artists are reading this, it'd be really cool if u drew some art of this fic :)))


	11. i've had no love like your love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FAKE DATE FAKE DATE FAKE DATE FAKE DATE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: mention of gender dysphoria, tooth-rotting fluff

It was Saturday. Which meant it was time for Jon and Martin’s date. Their fake date. Martin knew it wasn’t real. That didn’t make him any less nervous.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t know what to expect. He knew almost  _ exactly  _ what to expect. The two of them had been discussing the details until they both fell asleep.

The plan was simple enough. Despite living together, they’d arrive at the coffee shop separately. They’d both behave how they usually would on a date, despite neither of them having been on a date in years. 

It would be a disaster. They both knew it would be a disaster. Pretending to be in a relationship was one thing. Martin was pretty okay with that thing. It was lying. He was used to lying. But actually  _ going on a date _ … that was  _ completely different _ . Martin wasn’t quite sure how he was going to deal with it. 

He was standing in his bedroom. He had been for a while. Jon had left to go on a walk half an hour ago. They were meant to be meeting at the coffee shop in ten minutes. And Martin still hadn’t picked an outfit.

He sighed. There was no way he could ask Tim or Sasha for help. He’d have to explain the whole fake dating situation. There was only one person he  _ could  _ ask.

**_Private Message between_ ** **Martin** **_and_ ** **Rosie**

**Martin:** help

**Rosie:** ????

**Martin:** pls help

**Martin:** going on a fake date with jon in 10 minutes and haven’t picked an outfit

**Martin:** help

**Rosie:** wait… you’re going on an Actual Date???

**Martin:** yeah

**Martin:** but like

**Martin:** a fake one

**Martin:** so we can work out what we’re gonna tell people if they ask about our first date

**Martin:** so we’re not Suspicious

**Rosie:** why are you pretending to date tho

**Martin:** not gonna go into details but jon did an oopsie and told someone he lives with a partner and that person wants to see where he lives

**Martin:** and he currently lives with me (this NEVER gets back to elias)

**Rosie:** how do you end up in these situations

**Rosie:** don’t answer that just show me the outfits

**Martin:** _ [A photo: a pastel pink crew-neck jumper, a pair of light blue jeans, socks in the trans colours and a pair of black and white Vans.] _

**Martin:** _ [A photo: a black button-up shirt with a pattern of pink roses on it, a long black flowy skirt, fishnet tights and a pair of black ankle boots with a slight heel.] _

**Martin:** _ [A photo: a long sleeved black and white striped turtleneck, a black band t-shirt, a pair of black ripped jeans, a pair of Doc Martens.] _

**Rosie:** ok ok ok

**Rosie:** they’re all fantastic

**Rosie:** can i mix and match

**Martin:** yes pls just tell me what to wear

**Rosie:** ok we’re layering

**Rosie:** and you’ll look fantastic no matter how many layers you take off… gotta take the weather into account

**Martin:** of course

**Rosie:** ok you’re gonna take the turtleneck and you’re gonna wear the button up over it… a few top buttons undone

**Martin:** oooo multiple patterns… controversial

**Rosie:** yes but you can pull it off

**Rosie:** and you’re gonna wear the ripped jeans over the fishnets

**Rosie:** and you’re gonna wear the docs

**Rosie:** AND you’re gonna wear the pink jumper OVER all that

**Martin:** that’s… a lot of clothes

**Rosie:** it’s cold out you’ll be fine

**Rosie:** i would’ve said go with the skirt but i know you get dysphoric wearing skirts in public and i don’t want u to get suddenly hit with the dysphoria while you’re on a “fake date” with your crush who is also your boss who is also your roommate 

**Martin:** yes thank u i was worrying about that too

**Martin:** the skirt one is a good outfit tho i’ll definitely wear it another time

**Rosie:** yes!!! i believe in you!!!

**Martin:** thank u for your help i’m gonna go get changed now

**Rosie:** anytime :))))

**Rosie:** have fun on your date <3

Rosie was right. The outfit looked amazing. He  _ really  _ did pull it off. In a stroke of genius, he added some accessories: a silver chain necklace with a gay pride charm and a trans pride charm laced onto it. He also grabbed his beloved sword earrings and put those on. He sent a quick picture to Rosie and she sent him five enthusiastic messages telling him how good he looked. That was more than enough encouragement.

He set off almost immediately, grabbing his wallet and speedwalking out of the door. He was determined to not be late.

He was only one minute late. When he arrived, Jon was already sitting down at a table. Martin was so out of breath from speedwalking all the way that he didn’t notice what Jon was wearing at first. 

“You alright?” Jon smiled at him as Martin walked up to the table.

Martin nodded his head, placing both hands on his chair for support, desperately trying to catch his breath. “Sorry,” he gasped out, “speedwalked the whole way. Didn’t want to be late.”

Jon just smiled. Martin felt the other man’s eyes on him as he pulled the pink jumper over his head and sat down opposite him.

“So,” Jon said as Martin sat down. “We’re both here.”

Martin laughed lightly. “Yes, we are.”

Jon leaned over the table and lowered his voice to a whisper. “What do we do now?”

“I don’t know,” Martin chuckled. He glanced around the room. “We should order!”

“Yes!” Jon agreed. “Good thinking. Fantastic. Great idea.”

“Well, that  _ is  _ what people tend to do at coffee shops,” Martin grinned. “I wouldn’t call myself a genius.”

Jon rolled his eyes. “I never called you a  _ genius,  _ Martin.”

“But you meant it,” Martin rolled his eyes.

Jon smiled. “Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t.” He stood up and Martin noticed, for the first time, Jon’s outfit. The smaller man was wearing a black turtleneck tucked into a long, green skirt. He looked  _ fantastic. _

__ “What do you want?” Jon asked him. Martin raised an eyebrow. “I’m going to go order,” Jon clarified. “You need to stay here and make sure no one steals our table. So, what do you want me to get you?”

Martin, if he was being  _ completely honest _ , was finding it  _ quite difficult _ to talk. “I…” Martin trailed off. “Uh… black coffee.”

“What?”

Martin raised an eyebrow. “You heard me.”

“Black coffee?” Jon asked, somehow still unsure of if he’d heard correctly.

Martin laughed. “Black coffee, Jon. Please.”

Jon nodded his head, a slightly baffled expression on his face, and turned, joining the queue of people waiting to order. His skirt swished as he walked, and so did his hair, which was down. He’d been wearing his hair down more since the two of them had become closer. Martin liked to think it was because of what he’d said to Jon that night in the archives, when he’d found Jon with his hair down, in his pyjamas:  _ “You look nice like this.”  _ Martin still wasn’t sure why he’d said it. Well, of course he knew  _ why  _ he’d said it. He was hopelessly in love with the man. But he wasn’t sure why he’d  _ let himself  _ say it. Of course, he’d hurried out of the room almost immediately after the words had left his mouth, so he wasn’t sure it really counted. But still… it was certainly interesting that Jon had only started wearing his hair down after Martin had made the comment.

Probably a coincidence. That’s what he had to keep telling himself. Couldn’t get his hopes up. It would be a bad idea to overestimate his importance in Jon’s life. It was a coincidence and Jon had only accepted the offer to move in with him because he was tired of being bullied into self care and this was a fake date. This was a fake date. This was a  _ fake date. This was a fake date.  _   
And if it felt real, it was only because of Martin’s overactive, extremely gay imagination.

Jon returned a few minutes later, holding two drinks. He smiled and sat down, sliding Martin’s drink across the table towards him.

They sat there for a few minutes, sipping their drinks in silence. 

Martin eyed Jon’s drink. “What did you get?”

Jon looked up and slid the cup across the table. “Try it.”

“Oh. Okay.” He slid his across the table towards Jon. “Swap?”   
Jon nodded. “Sure.”

Martin picked up Jon’s cup and Jon picked up Martin’s. Slowly, they both brought the cups to their lips and took a sip. Almost simultaneously, both men coughed and grimaced. 

“Why is it so sweet?” Martin laughed through a grimace.

“Why is it so bitter?” Jon frowned. 

They both fell into a fit of laughter, sliding each other’s drinks back across the table. The cups collided halfway across the table, luckily not spilling  _ too much  _ of their drinks. Jon let out a sweet, short laugh as their cups bumped together, reached over to place the cup in Martin’s hand. In a swift motion, he grabbed his own cup, taking a sip, and reached his other hand forward, taking Martin’s hand with a smile.

He leaned forward, a grin on his face. “Hi.”

“What are you doing?” Martin asked, leaning forward across the table, his face dangerously close to Jon’s.

Jon shrugged. “I may be out of practice, but I’m pretty sure people hold hands on dates.”

“Trying to get some practice in before tomorrow?” Martin grinned, squeezing Jon’s hand.

Jon squeezed back. “It’s not a crime to practice holding hands with my fake boyfriend.”

Martin tried to stop his smile from getting even wider. “I never said it was.”

“Good,” Jon smiled. “Because we’re going to need as much practice as we can before tomorrow.”

“Is she  _ definitely  _ coming tomorrow?” Martin asked.

“Yes,” Jon frowned. “And she’s bringing  _ Melanie.” _

Martin chuckled. “Melanie can’t be  _ that bad _ .”

“She tried to stab me,” Jon deadpanned. “Multiple times.”

Martin’s eyes widened. “Oh,” he laughed awkwardly. “Then we’ll just have to keep the knives away from her tomorrow.”

“I’m sure she’ll bring her own,” Jon said.

Martin gave Jon’s hand another gentle squeeze. “Hey. Jon, look at me.” Jon obliged. “Don’t let thoughts of Georgie’s scary angry lesbian girlfriend ruin your day. We’re meant to be enjoying ourselves.”

“I thought we were meant to be observing how we would behave on a date so we can make up convincing stories,” Jon said. 

Martin rolled his eyes. “You’re having fun, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Martin,” Jon smiled. “I’m having fun.”

“And we’re getting practice!” Martin added. 

“We are,” Jon agreed. “Speaking of which-”

He was cut off by an  _ awfully  _ familiar voice. “Now, what’s going on here?”

The voice held a mixture of humour, amazement, confusion and delight, and as Martin looked up, his suspicions were confirmed. The voice did, just as he’d suspected, belong to Timothy Stoker.

Martin felt Jon slowly let go of his hand.  _ Well _ , he thought,  _ it was nice while it lasted.  _

“Hi, Tim,” Martin smiled awkwardly at the man. “How are you today?”

“Do  _ not  _ try to change the subject,” Tim scolded him, still grinning. “I want to know  _ exactly  _ what’s going on here.”

“Well,” Martin started. “It’s… uhhh… Jon?” He glanced at his fake boyfriend for help. 

“We…” Jon started. “We… uh… got ourselves into a situation.”

Tim smiled widely. “I can see that. I just want to know what series of events led to you two finally getting your shit together.” He grabbed a chair from another table and sat down uncomfortably close to both Jon and Martin. The table _ really _ wasn’t made for three people. “Well?” Tim continued. “Don’t spare any details. I want the full story.”

Martin groaned, head in his hands, hopefully hiding his _ extremely red  _ face. “It’s not… we’re not… it’s…” He sighed. “It’s not what it looks like, Tim.”

“Just out of interest, Tim,” Jon said, surprisingly calm. “What  _ does  _ it look like?”

“Jon,” Martin protested.

“For the research, Martin.”

“Fine.”

Tim glanced between the two of them. “Well it  _ looks  _ like you’re on a date, but the way you’re talking…”

“We did it!” Jon turned to Martin, grinning.

Martin sighed and rolled his eyes, allowing himself to shoot a small smile in Jon’s direction. “We did it.”

Tim raised an eyebrow, clearly confused. “So what  _ is  _ going on here?”

Martin collected himself, sitting up straight. “Can I tell him, Jon?”

“Go ahead,” Jon smiled.

“So,” Martin started, “Jon here recently informed me that Georgie… remember her? From FaceTime? The Admiral’s owner-”

“Co-owner,” Jon chimed in.

“The Admiral’s owner,” Martin repeated. “Well Jon here had the  _ bright idea  _ to tell her he’d moved in with a partner and-”

“This was before I moved in with Martin,” Jon clarified. “When I was still living in the archives.”

Martin sighed. “And he somehow  _ didn’t think  _ that Georgie would want to visit him. So now I have the brilliant job of pretending to be that partner.”

Tim didn’t look any less confused. “So… if it’s fake, why are you on an actual date? And holding hands? When Georgie isn’t here?” 

“Practice,” Jon said immediately. 

“Practice?” Tim asked, clearly trying to hold back a laugh.

“Practice.” Martin glared at him.

Tim thought for a moment. “And you didn’t tell me because…?”

“Embarrassment?” Martin offered with a shrug.

“Fair enough,” Tim laughed. “So, Sasha is on her way and  _ very almost here.  _ Want me to text her a quick heads up so you don’t have to explain again?”

“Yes,” Martin said.

“ _ Please,”  _ Jon sighed. 

Just as Tim had promised, Sasha arrived within the next minute. 

“How do you get yourselves into these situations?” She laughed as soon as she saw the two of them. “I like your skirt, Jon.”

“Thank you, Sasha,” Jon smiled. “And I’m afraid it’s  _ me  _ who keeps getting into these situations. Martin just seems to always be along for the ride somehow.”

Martin let out a short laugh. “That’s a funny way of saying I’m always there to help you.”

“That’s a funny way of saying I drag you into disastrous situations on a regular basis,” Jon turned back towards Martin.

Martin held his gaze. “ _ That’s  _ a funny way of saying I’m a very helpful person and you treasure my company.”

Jon laughed. “You  _ are  _ a very helpful person, Martin. And I  _ do  _ treasure your company.”

“Good,” Martin nodded his head. “Because you  _ do  _ keep dragging me into disastrous situations and it’d be a bit awkward if you didn’t enjoy my company at least a little bit.”

“I do enjoy your company,” Jon said, crossing his arms.

“Good,” Martin said. “I enjoy yours too.”

“Good.”

“That’s good.”   
“It is good.”

When they both turned back to their friends, Sasha was the one sitting in the chair, Tim seated on her lap. “What?” Tim asked. “We’re just enjoying the show.”

“Right,” Jon said, standing up, “we’ll leave you to it. We should probably be getting home.”

Martin smiled to himself. He liked it when Jon called the flat  _ home.  _ And when Jon referred to Martin’s bedroom as  _ his.  _ Or, even better,  _ ours.  _ Martin snapped himself out of it. “Yes!” He agreed. “We should get back.”

“Wait!” Sasha exclaimed before the two of them had the chance to start walking away. “We were gonna go out for drinks tonight. Would you two want to join?”

Martin glanced at Jon, waiting for the smaller man to answer. The only problem with that was that Jon seemed to be doing the same thing.

Martin sighed. “Well,  _ I’d  _ be up for that. What about you, Jon?”

“Could be fun,” Jon smiled. “We’ll be there.”

Jon’s hand found Martin’s again almost as soon as they left the coffee shop.

“Getting more practice in?” Martin teased.

“We need as much practice as possible, Martin,” Jon informed him, with a completely straight face.

Martin laughed. “True, true.” Looking at the other man, he noticed the man looked quite a bit taller. Martin’s arm wasn’t being pulled down when he held Jon’s hand. He glanced at the ground. And that was when he noticed Jon’s shoes: a pair of black, chunky platform boots. Martin wondered if he’d worn the boots for this exact reason, if he’d worn them to make holding hands easier. He quickly shook the thoughts from his head. Even if Jon had worn them for that purpose, it didn’t  _ mean  _ anything. Jon was probably just thinking about practicality. He was just-

“Martin?” Jon was smiling up at him.

Martin brought himself back to reality. “Sorry?”

“I asked if you think we should have more pictures of each other,” Jon said. “Couples usually have a lot of pictures of each other. If Georgie asks, I won’t have anything to show her.”

Martin nodded. “Good point.”

Jon led him to a bench and they both sat down. They spent a few minutes taking photos. Jon took one of Martin, smiling as widely as he could. Martin took one of Jon, looking extremely unimpressed about having a camera pointed at him. They took a few selfies: a photo of both of them smiling, a photo of Jon kissing Martin on the cheek - Martin wasn’t  _ quite  _ prepared for that one, and one of the two of them holding hands, Martin kissing Jon’s knuckles.

“Well,” Jon said, looking through the photos. “I’m sure that’s enough.”

“Yeah, probably.” Martin agreed, trying his best not to think about the kisses. The kiss on the cheek Jon had given him while he was drunk, which they  _ still  _ hadn’t talked about, and the kisses for the photos. “Hey, Jon,” he started, hoping for a distraction, “what were you going to say before Tim interrupted us?”

“Oh,” Jon looked at the floor. “Well, it’s only a suggestion. And, um… please do tell me if it’s not something you’re comfortable with because I  _ am  _ your boss and it’s highly inappropriate for us to be doing this in the first place and I don’t want you to feel like you  _ have to  _ just because I’m your boss and-”

“Just spit it out, Jon.” Martin rolled his eyes. “I dragged you to a hotel late at night against your protests. Do you  _ really  _ think I care that much about doing what you tell me?”

Jon laughed nervously. “No, I suppose not.” He took a deep breath. “I was wondering if… you see, I was wondering if you think we should maybe practice kissing… you know, just in case?”

_ Well, so much for not thinking about the kisses.  _ “Just in case?” Martin raised an eyebrow.

“Just in case they don’t believe us,” Jon clarified. 

Martin laughed. “I really don’t think that’s going to be a problem.”

“If you’re not comfortable, just say so,” Jon told him. “Please. I won’t be offended.”

Martin shook his head. “No, it’s not that,” Martin looked at him. “I… I am comfortable. I  _ would be  _ comfortable, I mean. It’s just… I don’t think you need to be so paranoid. Georgie has no reason not to believe us.”

Jon was silent for a moment. “Martin?”

“Yes?”

Jon turned to face him. “Can I kiss you? For practice, I mean.”

“What,  _ now?”  _ Martin laughed nervously. “Here? In the park?”

Jon glanced around. “Well, there aren’t many people. And none of them are looking at us.”

“True,” Martin said. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt to practice a bit.”

“Exactly,” Jon nodded his head. “My thoughts exactly.”

_ Jon was thinking about kissing him.  _ No, no, no, no. He had to keep his cool. It was very important that he stayed calm. He had to stay calm. 

He saw someone in front of him. While he’d been fretting about staying calm, Jon had stood up. The other man was standing in front of him. Jon now stood slightly taller than Martin, though not by much. The man smiled down at him. “I’m going to kiss you now. For practice.”

Martin laughed. “You don’t have to clarify that it’s for practice every time Jon. I know it’s for practice.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Jon grinned, stepping closer to Martin. He cupped Martin’s chin. “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” Martin told him. “Yes, it’s okay.”

“Okay, good.” And then Jon was kissing him. And it was  _ nice.  _ It was  _ really nice.  _ Martin smiled against Jon’s lips, and Jon took his hand in response, giving it a squeeze. 

“Right,” Jon said as soon as they broke apart. “How are we feeling about that?”

Martin laughed. “Are you asking me for a review?”

Jon rolled his eyes. “I’m asking you if you think it was convincing. Do you think it could be perceived as romantic?”

“Jon,” Martin sighed, “yes, I think the fact that we just kissed would be perceived as romantic.”

“Good,” Jon brought Martin’s hand to his lips, pressing a quick kiss to the back of his hand before pulling him to his feet. “Shall we go home?”

Martin nodded his head. “Yes. That. Let’s do that.”

Jon didn’t let go of his hand the whole way home. Sometimes he thought Jonathan Sims was  _ trying  _ to give him a heart attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well... that really magnused my archives
> 
> if anyone wants to draw the boys in those outfits... pls do
> 
> (i haven't written a kiss since 2014 so sorry if it was bad i'm really out of practice)


	12. nothing fucks with my baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sleepy soft jon and then drinks drinks drinks
> 
> cw: implied sexual harassment i guess (but it's resolved super quickly and only implied! you will Only ever find fluff in this fic!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes it's 3am. no i haven't reread through this to check it's ok. yes i'm posting it now. goodnight!
> 
> have a chapter! pls comment it's my only source of serotonin

**oh my god they were roommates**

**Tim:** do i dare

**Tim:** do i dare

**Tim:** do i dare do a thing

**Sasha:** yes you do dare

**Sasha:** do the thing

**Martin:** i don’t want to know what the thing is

**Martin:** don’t do the thing tim

**Martin:** tim please don’t do the thing

**Tim** _ renamed the group chat:  _ **oh my god they were fake dating**

**Tim:** :)))

**Martin:** no

**Tim:** oh also

**Martin:** i’m scared

**Tim:** ALSO

**Tim:** _ [A photo: Taken from a distance, a photo of Jon and Martin in the coffee shop, laughing and holding hands over the table.] _

**Tim:** :)))

**Martin:** i’d yell at you but i look good in the pic so

**Martin:** you’re forgiven

**Tim:** wait really???

**Martin:** for now

**Martin:** but you’re on fucking thin ice

**Sasha:** are you two still coming tonight?

**Martin:** of course!!!

**Tim:** are you still gonna be fake dating tonight?

**Martin:** probably not in front of you

**Martin:** unless jon wants some more Extra Practice

**Martin:** he’s so paranoid about us not being believable as a couple

**Martin:** he’s the shit liar! i’m doing fine!

**Tim:** he can’t be THAT bad at lying

**Tim:** man lied about his age

**Sasha:** not well

**Sasha:** i, of course, knew his real age

**Tim:** only because you’re a genius hacker

**Tim:** not because of jon’s obvious lies

**Martin:** it wasn’t even a lie he just… fully refused to tell us his age

**Martin:** what a disaster of a man

**Sasha:** pretty sure you love that disaster of a man

**Martin:** unfortunately ://

**Tim:** HOLY SHIT

**Tim:** LOVE???

**Martin:** oh no

**Tim:** we’re whipping out the L word???

**Tim:** love. not lesbians. love is the L word i’m talking about

**Tim:** WE’RE WHIPPING OUT THE LOVE WORD???

**Martin:** we’re not whipping out anything and i never want to hear you say “whipping out” again

**Tim:** :(

**Martin:** :)

“Hey,” Martin smiled as Jon entered the kitchen. The shorter man grinned sleepily. His clothes were rumpled and his hair a mess, having just woken up from an afternoon nap. “You want a cup of tea?”

Jon nodded enthusiastically and Martin smiled, boiling the kettle. He turned away from the other man and retrieved two mugs from the cupboard, setting them down on the counter. Almost immediately, he felt a weight pressing against his back, and was about to spin around and scream. Until he felt a pair of arms wrapping around his stomach and heard a familiar sigh from behind him.

_ Oh.  _

Jon was hugging him. Jon was hugging him from behind. And it was  _ nice.  _ It was  _ really nice.  _ Except that Martin was currently trying to make two cups of tea.

“Jon?” Martin whispered softly. The smaller man didn’t reply. “Jon?”

Jon mumbled something, but the only word Martin could make out was “sleepy.”

Martin laughed lightly. “Jon, I know you’re sleepy, but you’ve just had a  _ very long  _ nap and we have to meet Tim and Sasha in two hours so why don’t we try to wake you up?”

“Hmmmm,” Jon hummed, “sleepy.”

“Right,” Martin sighed. He took one of Jon’s hands in his own, slowly prying the man’s body from his own. Still, Jon, clearly still half-asleep, continued to latch himself onto Martin, making vague noises of protest. “Well,” Martin huffed, “if you’re going to be like that.” And he scooped Jon up into his arms and carried him back into the bedroom, setting him down on the bed. “Don’t fall back asleep,” Martin told him sternly, “I’ll bring you your cup of tea and we’ll drink them in here.”

As he was leaving the room, he heard a small “thank you,” from the  _ very tired  _ man and laughed quietly to himself. 

**oh my god they were fake dating**

**Martin:** jon’s Very Sleepy help

**Sasha:** what does sleepy jon entail exactly

**Martin:** imagine drunk jon… but slightly less

**Sasha:** oh no

**Sasha:** is he currently there 

**Sasha:** is he cuddling you right now

**Martin:** no i just escaped

**Tim:** is it really an escape if you were enjoying it?

**Martin:** i wasn’t ENJOYING it

**Martin:** i was TRYING to make a cup of tea and then a very sleepy jonathan sims stumbles into the room and decides to latch himself onto me

**Sasha:** aw that’s cute marto

**Martin:** i never said it wasn’t cute

**Tim:** aha! gay!

**Martin:** he can be cute and also be an inconvenience 

**Martin:** those aren’t mutually exclusive 

He made two cups of tea and carried them both into the bedroom where Jon was, surprisingly, sitting up.

“I expected you to have gone back to sleep,” Martin smiled, passing Jon his cup of tea and sitting down on the bed next to him.

Jon shrugged. “You said not to.” He laughed, clearly more awake than before. “Taking your advice has proved to be rather helpful lately.”

“What woke you up?” Martin chuckled.

“Splashed some water in my face,” Jon explained, taking a sip of his tea. “I’m sorry for earlier. I’d just woken up and-”

“Shhh,” Martin cut him off. “It’s okay. I didn’t mind it.”

Jon glanced at him. “You didn’t?”

“No,” Martin smiled. “It was kind of entertaining.”

Jon scoffed. “I’m your boss, Martin. I’m not meant to be  _ entertaining.” _

“It was cute, then.”

“I’m not meant to be cute either.”

Martin laughed. “Well,  _ I  _ didn’t mind it. It’s not as if I haven’t seen you like that before.”

Jon went quiet for a moment. “What do you mean?”

“What?”

“What do you mean you’ve seen me like that before?”

“Oh,” Martin said. “I was talking about last week. Movie night. You’re a  _ very affectionate  _ drunk.”

Jon set his mug down on the bedside table and turned to face Martin. “What did I do?”

“Oh, nothing bad!” Martin reassured him. “You were just very cuddly. I had to carry you in here because you refused to stop cuddling me.  _ Very similar  _ to a few minutes ago. Which is why I brought it up. Sleepy you is  _ very  _ similar to drunk you. And-”

“Martin, you’re rambling,” Jon sighed. “That’s it? I didn’t do anything else?”

“You…” Martin started, and continued in a small voice. “You… you  _ might have  _ kissed me on the cheek.”

“Oh, god.”

Martin laughed. “It’s okay, Jon. We’ve established that I’m comfortable with it.”

“Yes,” said Jon, “but that was  _ before  _ we had this fake relationship agreement. I was just your  _ boss  _ back then.”

“Well, I was okay with it,” Martin told him. “You’re not allowed to feel bad about it.”

“But-”

“Jon,” Martin warned him. “You are  _ not allowed  _ to feel bad about it, okay?”

“Martin-”

“ _ Okay?” _

Jon sighed. “Okay.”

They met Tim and Sasha a few hours later, Jon fully awake. The other two had already claimed a table, and beckoned the two of them over.

“Here are the lovebirds,” Tim grinned as they approached him. His gaze dropped to their hands, which were, unfortunately, not in each others’. “Not keeping up the fake dating act here?”

Martin shook his head. “I think we’ve had enough practice to be able to fool them. Right, Jon?”

“Yes,” Jon agreed. “I think we make quite a convincing couple.”

“You do,” Sasha grinned. “Maybe you should have a think about why that is.” Martin shot her a glare and she laughed, standing up to go and get everyone drinks.

“So,” Tim leaned forward, glancing between the other two men, “do I dare ask what this practice entails?”

Jon sighed. “It doesn’t exactly concern you, does it?”

“No,” Tim admitted. “But I do happen to be  _ very nosy.” _

Martin rolled his eyes. “Just a lot of holding hands,” he supplied.

Tim raised an eyebrow. “You need to practice that? Don’t you just… y’know…  _ do it?” _

“It needs to look natural,” Jon explained. “It needs to look like we’ve been together for at least a month.”

Martin nodded his head. “But I think we’ve practiced enough. We managed to fool my mum so that’s something.”

“Yes,” Jon grinned. “That  _ is  _ something.”

“Wait,” Tim cut in again, “Martin, your mum thinks you two are dating?”

Martin nodded his head. “Yeah! And it’s strange because we didn’t really even  _ tell her  _ we’re dating.”

“We didn’t even hold hands in front of her or anything,” Jon added.

Tim gaped at them. “What  _ did  _ you do?”

“I don’t know,” Martin shrugged. “We just… talked to each other, I guess. And she interpreted it as romantic. Don’t know why.”

“I suppose it works in our favour this time,” Jon said.

“Yeah,” Martin smiled. “I suppose it does.”

Sasha returned with the drinks shortly after, and Jon and Martin both somehow stuck to their vow of only having one drink. The fact that Georgie and Melanie were coming over the next day served as a good reason to not be hungover on Sunday morning.

Instead, they watched Tim and Sasha both get increasingly more drunk, and tried to stop Tim from embarrassing himself. It didn’t work, but Martin was pretty sure the man had no shame. And Martin had photos to keep as blackmail, just in case it turned out that Tim Stoker  _ was  _ capable of being embarrassed.

Sasha left first, extremely tired, and Tim left soon after, probably missing Sasha, which Martin made a note to tease him about later.

And Martin and Jon were alone. Which wasn’t a problem. They were very good at spending time alone together. Martin was content spending time alone with Jon, even if they didn’t speak at all. When they were quiet together, he didn’t feel like Jon was ignoring him. Not anymore. Jon sometimes needed his quiet, and so did Martin.

He was enjoying sitting quietly with Jon, but he just wasn’t anywhere near drunk enough to drown out the noise and the crowds. He excused himself to the toilets and took out his phone, finding a text from Tim that the man must have sent before he consumed an incomprehensible amount of alcohol.

**_Private Message between_ ** **Martin** **_and_ ** **Tim**

**Tim:** you guys know that holding hands isn’t something you practice right???

**Tim:** gay people i swear to god

**Tim:** disasters the both of you

Martin sighed and put his phone back into his pocket and left the bathroom, planning on asking Jon if he was ready to leave.

That plan was thrown out of the window when Martin saw a tall man standing close to Jon and leering at him. Martin sighed when he saw Jon’s clearly uncomfortable and  _ incredibly annoyed  _ expression. 

He had a job to do.

Martin took a deep breath and strided towards Jon and the man.

Jon waved him over, smiling at him. “Hello, Martin.”

“Hi,” Martin leaned down to press a kiss to the top of Jon’s head. “Is he bothering you?”

Jon sighed. “Yes. Very much so.”

Martin nodded and stood up straight. He cleared his throat and straightened his back, letting the tall man, who was actually  _ significantly shorter  _ than Martin, see his full height. Even Jon looked surprised when Martin straightened to his full height, which was fair enough, since years of binding had ruined his posture. He smiled sweetly at the man, taking Jon’s hand in his own. “I’d appreciate it if you stopped bothering my boyfriend.” The man turned and quickly left without a word, and Martin sighed, letting himself relax into his comfortable binder-induced awful posture. “You okay?”

Jon smiled. “Yes, I’m fine. I had it handled.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Jon sighed. “He was mainly just annoying.”

“He looked it.” Martin chuckled. “Probably a good thing Tim and Sasha aren’t still here. They would’ve  _ decked  _ him.”

Jon laughed. “Oh, he wouldn’t have even  _ dared  _ to approach me if Tim and Sasha were here.” He squeezed Martin’s hand, which Martin hadn’t noticed he was still holding. “Thank you, though. You were great.”

“I guess the fake relationship thing has other uses, too,” Martin smiled.

“I guess it does,” Jon grinned. “God, Martin, I knew you were  _ tall  _ but I didn’t know you were  _ that tall.” _

Martin shrugged. “Binding doesn’t exactly do wonders for your posture.”

“No,” Jon chuckled. “It really doesn’t.”

“Hey,” Martin put on a fake scowl. “You don’t have to insult my posture. I know it’s terrible.”

Jon shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. I-”

“It’s fine,” Martin grinned, giving Jon’s hand another squeeze. “You ready to go home now?”

“ _ Please.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tune in next time for: MELANIE AND GEORGIE 
> 
> THAT'S RIGHT PPL WE'RE FINALLY GETTING THERE!!! THE LESBIANS WILL ARRIVE NEXT TIME!!!


	13. quick update

hey friends!  
so i'm currently very very busy with lots of other projects i'm working on, and i'm going to be prioritising my Real Important Projects over this lil fanfic i've been writing. i'm not like... taking a break but updates will probably be quite slow. i'm still going to try and work on chapters when i can, but it might be a little hard because i have two really important writing projects i'm currently working on.  
hope you all understand.   
\- alex


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